honest contemplations and occasional white lies

tripping over memory lane

2012-01-21T09:21:00.000+07:00

I was collecting notes and ideas for my upcoming travel plan this year, using OneNote, and found a 'complaint letter' which I've never sent because I don't have the guts to.

Was surprised that it became obvious and was actually answered a week ago.

His reply would probably look like this:
"I deeply apologize for the inconvenience but this service is shutting down in 2012, due to inadequate customer-client interaction. Attempt of refund or repair may not be available at the moment, or ever."

Yes, this is a rather sarcastic post and I don't effing care.

2012

2012-01-15T09:11:00.001+07:00

Hi there!

Sorry for the lack of updates and for being a lousy blogger. The year 2011 was a bit eventful except for the part when I was accepted at a certain university in Scotland where a certain prince has studied before. Oh, that and the time when I went to fulfill my childhood dream; going to DisneyWorld! And another winter vacation where I went a little bit around Europe. And..oh well, a lot of other things. :D

Bottom line: I am a lousy blogger; despite all interesting things I can write about, I don't deliver a single post about it.

Now, as usual, what I am going to write here doesn't concern anyone's interest so..yeah, you're free to go to a more interesting and useful website for you. Please and be my guest :)

'Rite, for those of you who wants to know, here are some updates:

I finally continue my study abroad with a scholarship. I still don't know why I deserve this because I thought I was not the best candidate. Funny thing is that I gave a lot of effort and thought that I'd succeed for a different scholarship and program in South Korea, but obviously the South Koreans don't agree with me AND the Scottish people and also the people in my scholarship's foundation.

Although with limited money and preparations, I managed to go to Italy, the land of my teenage dream. I didn't kiss the ground as soon as I landed, as I would have done, but I still felt the same excitement. A lot of people have commented that Italy has a lot of pickpockets, con men, dirty environments and whatnot. I won't object to that, but I still enjoy my time there. I believe that if you go to its country side, especially Tuscany, you will find out why Italy is called 'il bel paese' (the beautiful country). I only saw it through my train journey, but I swear what I saw in a glimpse was so mesmerizing, I wanted to stop the train and take a day or two nowhere near the cities. What I also did in Italy was practicing my rusty Italian! I studied once when I was in junior high and high school and never continued. Thankfully, it all came back to me when I was in Italy. I even made a shop keeper happy and surprised because of my Italian. :) But perhaps there aren't a lot of tourists who try to speak Italian, I guess..

Aside from Italy, I also went to Munich, Germany; Paris, France; and London, UK. Had my first snow of Europe in Munich and went to many nice stalls of Christmas market there. If I have to choose, I will pick Paris as the most beautiful city I've ever been to. I also think I spent my happiest time in Paris, thanks to the city itself and the companies I had with me. :) London ate the biggest proportion of my money, most especially thanks to Oyster card. It was redeemed by the spectacular fireworks during New Year's Eve in Big Ben, London Eye and River Thames area. Also, there are a lot of things going around in London, you will never get bored of it.

I just turned twenty six this January, went broke because of the Eurotrip and ended my 2-year relationship 3 days after my birthday. These events surely are not, in any part and any way, resolutions I'd like to achieve - but if they really are, then I would have achieved them sooner than I would've expected. (yes, Sheldon, I am being sarcastic, or to be exact, ironic) Last year, I turned 25, went broke because of my trip to USA, unemployed, and in a relationship. Find any similarities? :D I know it's not good (being broke) but at least I had fun and went to places I've always wanted to go to. As for relationship matters, well.. that's another story :)

Thinking back, I think Life is throwing a lot of jokes on me. In late 2008, I went back to my hometown, and was sad for giving up a brighter chance in career in Jakarta. Late 2009, troubles arise in my new workplace but I met lovely co-workers who turned into my bestfriends and also started a new relationship with one of my bestfriends. I thought I need not be ambitious anymore in terms of career, given that I don't have much prospect of getting a job at a better place in Bandung and life is already comfortable. Late 2010, good people left the workplace, I had no idea where I should head next, but thankfully my sister would come back from USA which made life in Bandung more comfortable although not career-friendly. There are also many events where I thought that Life wouldn't want me to go really far.

2011 came and the middle of the year started a new roller coaster that sent me out of my comfort zone. And with the recent turn of events, is it probably time for me to have big dreams again? Hmmm.. Well, who knows, but I won't bet on it. Life has a very funny way of showing you where you would go and sometimes you end up in places you'd never have expected.

Better put on those restrainers and hold on tight! :)

just a quick update of my life recently

2011-05-17T23:01:00.003+07:00

Oh boy, I've been neglecting my own blog for 3 solid months. Although I have thought of some ideas, I never did put any of those ideas into writing. And since I don't like giving excuses, I won't.

So, what have I been up to these days?

Well.. First, I still work at my alma-mater, part-time Research Assistant part-time aspiring Grad student (meaning I haven't enrolled yet). Still looking for a Grad school along with a scholarship. I didn't make it as one of Korean government scholarship's grantee and I'm still waiting for good news from a certain social foundation and/or a certain university. I think I'm going crazy because lately I feel this kind of attachment to one of the universities even before I get to study there. I'm not sure if that's a good thing because it is closely similar to being hopeful and being hopeful opens a bigger door for disappointment. So yea, I'm anxious like an adolescent boy who's going to ask a girl for prom.

On the bright and sunny side, I finally take a shot at a quite-serious dancing school. :D It has a curriculum, exams, handouts and what-not. They teach the basic of dancing, such as Ballet, Modern Dance, and Gymnastic (they really need you to be able to do split, cartwheels, God knows what else). I sweat like hell in every class and I'm loving it. And although I lack the flexibility of a youth, I don't get too worked up about it.

During my classes I took some valuable lessons from the dance school. No, not the technical lessons, but more philosophical if one might say. :p First lesson is that you're never too old to dance. There was a middle-aged woman in one class and well, I'm not young either. Second of all, learning the basic doesn't always mean it's easy. It's hard! And the third, dancing in group isn't an easy job. You have to synchronize with your dance-mates. Not just doing the same movements, but you also have to do it at the same time and make it look good. So if you think dancing like those boybands and girlbands is easy, you'd better think again.

I've only come up with those lessons about dance and dance school so far. Maybe I'll add more to it as the school progress. :) Oh and one more thing before I end this post, if you're curious about dancing and want to learn, just ask me and I'll tell you all about the school.

What I Want, What They Want

2011-02-14T03:15:00.002+07:00

'If you don't find any school or scholarship abroad by this year, I will enroll you to our MSc programme', 'Why don't you just apply for our MSc program? We need you here.', 'Just take that offer. You can go abroad when you take your Doctoral degree'.

My heart sank. This is not what I want for me.

The next day, there was this movie, called 'An Education', where the female protagonist was pushed by her teacher to pursue her higher degree in one of the most prestigious universities because she would waste her talent if she didn't go there (and the female protagonist seemed to want to go too). I was struck by this. Isn't this what teachers are supposed to tell their students, to reach out their dreams and not to settle for less? And why am I not receiving the same support?

They say they need a lecturer and they see it in me. Said my mother and father were lecturers, so I must have the same talent. I don't know if that's true, but I know that it depends on whether I want it or not. Right now, I'm not feeling it. And using my parents as one of the reasons why I should be a lecturer will not make me give in. I think it's a weak argument and a misuse of my mother's name.

I'm not totally against the idea of me being a professor, though. If I eventually become one, that's because I want it - not because of my parents' occupation and not because it's the only readily available opportunity for me right now. The harder you impose it on me, the harder I resist.

So what do I want? I want to live abroad by myself for a few years, while learning something worthwhile. My financial situation doesn't allow a self-funded education, but there are scholarships aplenty. I know I have what it takes to compete for these scholarships. And after that, I want to get international exposure as much as I can - especially in NGOs. I want to test myself, how far and how high my achievements can be. I will not forgive myself if I don't try.

There you go. That's what I want from my life. You can see for yourself that getting a local Master degree and therefore limit my chance for the international exposure I need is way off from my big picture, and I hope you can see that it will kind of alter my life plan if I give in. And no, I'm not planning to pursue a Doctoral degree anytime soon, at least not before I get married.

Oh my, look at the time. It's 3 AM already. I don't know if I'm too worked up about this issue but it's been weighing my chest since the first day I started helping at the school. Makes me reconsider whether to continue or not. I quit my last job to find peace and yet here I am, wide awake until dawn.

understanding integrity

2010-11-11T21:15:00.002+07:00

in·teg·ri·tas n mutu, sifat, atau keadaan yg menunjukkan kesatuan yg utuh sehingga memiliki potensi dan kemampuan yg memancarkan kewibawaan; kejujuran; (KBBI, 2008)

Tidak menerima hadiah atau uang dari klien bukan lah aturan yang baru dalam dunia per-konsultan-an. Tapi tadi siang saya dapat pengalaman baru. Saya diberi uang rapat oleh klien kantor saya. Kalian bisa tebak sendiri, klien saya ini institusi pemerintah dan memang punya aturan yg melegitimasi pemberian uang rapat bahkan kepada konsultan. Ketika disodorkan amplop uang rapat, konsultan senior saya blg, "Wah Bapak, seharusnya konsultan tidak menerima ini loh" dan saat saya tanya lg, konsultan senior saya berkata seperti itu hanya utk menjaga citra konsultan saja. Beliau sudah tahu bahwa menerima uang rapat memang diperbolehkan dan sudah ada aturannya.

Cerita di atas memang ga ada hubungannya sama suap-menyuap dan integritas. Tapi saya jadi teringat proyek saya dengan klien kantor yang lain. Proyek yg lain ini rawan suap-menyuap banget antara calon rekan kerja klien dan klien, makanya pekerjaannya ditangani oleh kantor saya sebagai pihak ketiga. Akibatnya, kami-kami ini yg jadi orang-orang pertama yg digoda dengan 'hadiah-tanpa-maksud-tapi-bohong'. Atas nama integritas dan menjaga citra baik institusi yg memayungi kantor kami, kami menolak uang - tanpa maupun dengan maksud tertentu - dari calon rekan kerja klien.

Alhamdulillah sampai saat ini, kami tidak pernah menerima sepeser pun uang suapan. At least, saya dan teman-teman. Saya belum pernah melihat dan merasakan alasan untuk menerima uang pelicin, sampai sekarang.

Sebelumnya, saya pikir, "Kenapa sih orang mau aja disogok? Ko bisa ya orang-orang segitu rakusnya?". Yah, akhirnya saya ngerti juga kenapa ada aja orang yg berhasil disogok. Mereka mungkin sedang butuh sekali uang, seperti saya saat ini. Ya memang ada saja orang-orang yg pada dasarnya maruk, tapi saya yakin ada juga kumpulan yg jadi terjebak karena kondisi.

Saat situasi finansial saya baik-baik saja, rasanya lebih gampang utk mengerti dan menjalankan nilai-nilai integritas. Kenapa? Karena saya ga butuh-butuh amat juga sama sogokan yg mereka tawarkan. Sekarang, jujur saja, sudah tanpa malu lagi saya akui saya butuh uang. Andaikata dalam waktu dekat ini saya disogok, saya perlu berpikir dua kali untuk menolak. Tapi apa sulitnya kondisi finansial menjadi suatu alasan valid utk menerima sogokan? Tentu saja tidak. Karena tak pernah ada alasan valid untuk itu.

Saya jadi tersadar, mungkin selama ini saya terlalu remeh memandang integritas. Sampai baru-baru ini, hidup saya cukup indah - dalam artian, integritas tidak pernah harus dipilih. Sekarang saya mengerti bahwa menjalankannya tidak lah semudah itu jika integritas berhadapan dengan realita hidup. Mungkin di situ lah letak integritas yang sebetulnya berada, saat dia berhadapan dengan realita, karena memilih dan memperjuangkan integritas akan butuh pengorbanan. Dan pengorbanan itu lah yang akan membuat integritas berharga.

"One of the truest tests of integrity is its blunt refusal to be compromised" - Chinua Achebe

"Compromise is usually a sign of weakness, or an admission of defeat. Strong men don't compromise, it is said, and principles should never be compromised." - Andrew Carnegie

little wins

2010-10-29T00:08:00.003+07:00

I was working from home that day because there was a lot of stuffs to do (work and academic related). Actually at the beginning of the day, I felt anxious because the work deadline was the day after and my progress was nowhere near 50%. So after breakfast, I started to work. And also sent an e-mail to my final project advisor about my recommendation letter. I thought I had to wait for another day to get them but - "eng ing eng!" - he told me they were finished!

Later that day I went to my undergrad department. I went straight to my advisor's office and had my recommendation letters printed in his office. Hahaha.. And I thought I had to run around and print them anywhere except his office. Then I went to the administration office, where a dear staff of SBM-ITB helped me legalize photocopies of my diploma and get some of the documents signed, enveloped and sealed. He also helped me fold the letters. :p Me and the administration staffs chatted a bit and I told them about my plan of taking Grad school in South Korea. It was like the old time and I felt really welcomed. They also wished me the best of luck with my application.

I also met a good friend of Mom. And of course we talked, a lot, because we haven't seen each other in a ... year, I guess? Anyway, we also talked about my plan and he told me stories about UK too (since I'm planning to go there, beside Korea). And when we both went our ways, he wished me the same thing the admin staffs did.

I don't know why, but those wishes gave me strong emotions. I know they won't include me in their daily prayers, wishing my admission in any one of the universities, and that's okay. It's just that hearing those words made me feel blessed - that I still have friends who are willing to help me achieve a big goal. (okay, that sounds a bit desperate) And not only that. I did not hear a single word about them wanting me to be a lecturer.

Sidebar: To understand the gravity of it, I first must explain this: I do not want to be a lecturer. Yet. But please don't push me or try to get it into my head that I should try a lecturer-path scholarship or a lecturer-trainee program. Just. Don't. Or I'll turn into the Queen of Anarchy. Seriously.

Sidebar's sidebar (??): Not that I have hard feeling for lecturers. Both my parents are, and I love them to very core of my existence (with no doubt). It's just that I feel very uncomfortable to be told to do something that I'm convinced I can't excel at. I could go on explaining. But for fear of hurting lecturer's and soon-to-be lecturer's feelings, let's just cut it short. Only let me make it clear for you. It's not about lecturer as in job or lecturer as in person , it's about me. So whatever I say here doesn't have anything to do with you lecturers, it has everything to do with me. Alrite?

Okay, so. Although I had an impending deadline and my account balance is making me dreadful, these little wins made my day. You see, by telling this to you, you know that I have nothing new to offer. But at least I'm (and hopefully you too) reminded in that wonderful day, that we should look for little wins during the hard situations. As shallow or short-minded it may seem, it helps our sanity survives nevertheless. And also take note, that sometimes a simple helpful action or heartfelt wish can make someone's day brighter. I just hope everyone working for Wasior's, Mentawai's and Merapi's cause thinks the same way too.

-dedicated to the victims of WMM: we know there's nothing in this world can replace your loss, especially those who lost loved ones. hang tough and know that our thoughts are with you-

show me the meaning of money

2010-10-23T11:47:00.009+07:00

Nope, certainly not the meaning of being lonely.

This month marks the very first time of my financial struggle. As my readers/friends would know, my office is quite unreliable in giving their employees their deserved salaries. Just exactly when I just paid out a huge amount of cash to buy tickets to USA to accompany my sister back home. I gotta tell you, I can't even pay my telephone bills. Nor can I go out and meet with my junior high school friends because I don't have any leisure money to spare.

Yea, of course, I still got Dad. And I can borrow some from him to pay my bills. But honestly, call me having a big ego, but I just don't have the gut to do it. At least right now, when I'm writing this post.

And also, this personal financial crisis happens in the same time of my applying to graduate schools. If you have ever applied to a school before, you'll know the process requires money. Be it for admission fee, photocopies, or even getting your documents translated.

That much said, I'm beginning to understand how precious money is. I mean, I *know* how precious money is, it's just that I understand more of it now. And it's not that I-can't-buy-anything-without-money kind of way, but more of a let-us-waste-no-money-if-it's-not-that-necessary-especially-if-we-earn-it kind of way.

I started holding back on things I would normally buy, like buying my own office toilet paper, or coffee, or magazine. Those things are beginning to be exquisite things, things that would make my day if someone buys them for me. And I'm also trying to stop my dad's habit of wanting to eat out. :p That's partly because I don't want him feeling more burdened by me. :)

And today that money-is-precious! sentiment gets stronger. My dad told me that someone has been abusing his credit cards. His bills are full of transactions he has never made and the total transactions sum up to approximately 20million IDR. That's just insane, right?! Dad was almost willing to give up and pay for those bills, but not me!

I mean, come on! Someone tried to rip a retired lecturer off and wanted to get away? No way. Nu-uh. If I know who that leech is, I'll probably go there and gives her/him a good beating they regret the day they were born. That's how mad I am. Thankfully, the bank call center was ever so helpful so we sorted it out and hopefully the bank would cancel the bills.

I wasn't this mad when someone fooled Dad into giving a bigger sum of money. Maybe because at that time I wasn't in desperate need of money. But I did regret why Dad easily trust someone and without asking my opinion. :( But, anyway, this post is not about that.

So ... aside feeling poor, I am pretty grateful because my basic needs are still fulfilled and I learn to appreciate things I've taken for granted before. I understand that there are still many people out there who weren't as luck as I am right now. And I do believe some of them can still have fun and get some laugh. Well, I might as well do that too, don't I?

Only that, truth be told, I would rather my office give me my deserved salary and other deserved compensations.

Remember Ramadhan

2010-09-10T06:39:00.002+07:00

Tiga puluh hari sudah kita menahan segala nafsu dan sifat buruk manusia. Satu bulan yang penuh dengan ibadah demi mendekatkan diri pada Sang Pencipta. Ditutup dengan dua hari perayaan yang penuh ampunan dan keikhlasan.

Tepat menjelang 1 Syawal tahun ini, saya tiba-tiba teringat hari perayaan lain yg jauh sangkut pautnya dgn Hari Lebaran; yaitu Valentine's Day. Ets, jangan mencibir dulu sama Valentine's Day. Memang itu perayaan yg bersumber dari agama Nasrani, tapi pada konsepnya hari itu adalah hari peringatan terhadap kasih sayang di mana orang berlomba2 menunjukkan cintanya (halah). Nah, kita2 yg sudah besar dan bukan ababil lagi tentunya mengerti bahwa kasih sayang seharusnya dipraktekkan sepanjang tahun dan sepanjang masa, ya kan?

Namun kita tahu bahwa manusia tidak lah selalu mengasihi dan menyayangi. Sebagaimana halnya dgn tidak selalu menahan diri, tidak selalu ingat Tuhan, dan tidak selalu rela memaafkan. Saya percaya oleh karena itu lah Allah SWT menciptakan bulan Ramadhan dan 1 Syawal. Agar umatnya, setidaknya setahun sekali, ingat bahwa mereka harus menahan diri dan saling memaafkan.

Sekarang bagaimana jika pemahaman terhadap Valentine's Day diterapkan juga pada arti bulan Ramadhan dan 1-2 Syawal? Kita tidak perlu menunggu lg bulan Ramadhan untuk berlomba2 mendekatkan diri padaNya. Kita tidak harus menunggu 1-2 Syawal untuk bisa memaafkan orang lain seutuhnya. Menahan diri, rajin beribadah dan memaafkan org lain bukankah sebaiknya dilakukan sepanjang tahun dan sepanjang hayat?

Sekarang bayangkan jika kita terus membawa semangat Ramadhan dan 1 Syawal sepanjang hidup kita. Saya percaya, Insya Allah kita semua akan menjadi org yg lebih baik setiap harinya dan mungkin saja dunia menjadi sedikit lebih damai. :)

Selamat Hari Raya Idul Fitri 1431 H! Mohon maaf lahir dan batin. Minal aidin wal faizin dan semoga semangat Ramadhan-Syawal selalu ada dlm hidup kita. Amin ya rabbal alamin.

unfair

2010-09-05T03:27:00.001+07:00

If you tell us that we suck at our tasks, why can't we tell you the same thing?

If you tell us that we are responsible for the company's loss, why can't we say that you are more responsible for it?

When you demand an explanation for poor performances, why can't we demand the same thing from you?

If you wish us to report back to you, why don't you do the same thing?

Honestly, this relationship is not working both ways. And it's not like we are going to quit our jobs. Actually, we might, but that depends on your ability to build a dialog and not just a monologue called chain of commands.

Even God provides explanations and assurance when we get lost and doubt God's credibility. So why can't you and why are you acting like you're more superior to fellow human beings? The only difference between us is that you hold more responsibilities and get more dough than we do. That doesn't justify your ego and pride.

*postingan ini tidak ditulis berdasarkan satu instansi tertentu, tetapi berdasarkan pengalaman pribadi dan sesama rekan anak buah*

ocehan siang bolong

2010-06-26T21:40:00.005+07:00

I went to Bogor this weekend to attend a wedding of my distant niece - along with my dad, uncles, aunt and cousin. My favorite uncle, who had his fair share of travelling, told us about different public policies in France, Singapore, and Australia during our drive to the wedding. It got me into wondering whether our beloved country, Indonesia, isn't actually a very poor country. Sure, our economy fared better than most Asian countries during the 2008 (or was it 2009?) economic meltdown. But I'm not talking specifically about economic results, I'd rather wondering about this country's priorities and how to manage them in the long-term.

First, let me tell you about France policy concerning children's education. France government impose their people to send their kids to school. Parents who don't have enough money will be supported by the government, by paying their children's tuition and providing the required school supplies (books, stationaries, etc.). Those who don't obey this regulation will be executed by law.

Now let's compare that policy to our policies in children's education. You, my friend, might be strongly familiar with the 'Wajib Belajar 9 Tahun' program. Yes, it's similar with the previous policy I've told you about. But in practice, it's not an imposing regulation. It's just the government's suggestion. If you can't provide your children with tuition fee, you still can send your kids to government-subsidized school or grab a scholarship (as if the bureaucracy in getting one doesn't stress you out enough). The supplies? Well, sorry sir, the government already paid the tuition fee and they're sure you're resourceful and crafty enough for providing the supplies. Or maybe just rely on other people's kindness to give you the supplies you need.

I mean, really, dear government officials, that is a well thought out plan.

And it doesn't stop right there. I bet you also know about how other countries are willing to support its people who are below the poverty line (is there a formal term for "di bawah garis kemiskinan?") These countries will provide food, housing and clothes (even social security and health care) to those in need. Although it's not always well-conducted, at least their governments put what they promise into practice.

Why? Because they have the necessary funding to support their poor.

Now hold it right there. I know some of you will start thinking that it's all because of corruption or political interest.

Even if our government stop being a bunch of corrupt pigs or abandon their political game for the sake of our nation, I still doubt Indonesia have adequate funding to provide basic needs for its poor. First, our financial planning is not exactly designed for long-term planning (and that the majority of our population is still very keen on short-term investments and instant results). Second, Indonesia can't even provide itself its basic needs to grow - in term of infrastructure, investments, and human resource (and by which I mean education). We got a looooongg way to go before all the poor can have decent lives.

But that's just my opinion. I lack knowledge about how the real stuffs work in our government, so if anyone can add their thoughts and experiences, I'd be more than happy to oblige. And I hope during my lifetime, I can finally see every poor in Indonesia get his and her well-deserved fundings.

what lack of good sleep will do to your blog post

2010-06-13T11:48:00.002+07:00

It was past 12 AM already and I still couldn't sleep. I tossed and turned and finally after 2 hours, I had my slumber. It was unusual for me to experience an insomnia episode, but I might have a clue as to why it happened. I was afraid.

Not the kind I'm-scared-of-the-dark afraid. My being afraid stemmed from my current ability to solve GMAT questions. Do you want to know my average grade? Most sections fall in par, and some below par. I seriously don't think I will ever get the grade which most business schools require with my brain right now. I need a good upgrade.

Or just ditch those majors with GMAT requirements altogether. I'd just do my TOEFL test and send the result to any course who'll happily accept me. Easy, right? But that wouldn't be different from what I did after graduating high-school. I was too lazy to work on my (hm.. how do you translate SPMB/UMPTN?) undergrad national acceptance test. Hence I took an easy alternative to get into my dream-come-true college.

I have nothing to lose right now, but I feel the contrary. This is probably my anxiety and insecurity self writing this post, and my bright and optimistic self is somewhere lurking inside my head. You can see by how messy this post is. It's not a good material but I still intend to post it just so this blog isn't going to be spammed by anyone who has nothing better to do.

yippety yap

2010-05-02T15:29:00.000+07:00

It's Sunday and I'm glued to my living room. Yesterday, I was stuck at the office w-o-r-k-i-n-g not because I wanted to, because me and my friend had to fulfill the ideal capacity beyond our actual capacity (it's a long story). Most people are probably out of their houses, enjoying the outdoors, doing some shopping, having gastronomic festivals, like most people do every other weekend.

It's not that I'm not enjoying doing nothing in my own living room. It's just that I find myself pretty peculiar. Well, me and my Dad, for that matter.

My dad and I are both loners, but we're not anti-social. We like to meet people but we are both lazy to get out of this house. Unless my boyfriend is in town, I prefer to not go anywhere during weekends. It was different back then. When I was a college student, I'd rather go out of the house and hanging out with friends, rather than staying home, doing nothing.

And by that, I think my current weekend life is kinda sad and positively boring, but surprisingly I don't really much care (despite the fact that I just wrote about it in 3 paragraphs).

On the contrary, going out and enjoying the outdoors during the weekdays do tempt me. That's because most people are constrained in their offices, no tourists, and hence no patience-testing traffic and no supercrazy egomaniac drivers. And those conditions are the perfect requirements for having a great day out. :)

But if I get out of the office everyday, how will I feed myself, right? Unless I get a job that demands me to travel :p Or maybe find myself a very rich boyfriend who would provide me my basic and not-so-basic needs (but no, thanks, I already have a very adorable one whom I wouldn't trade for anything).

So, sometimes I do take a day out from the office. Not during the peak season of work, no. It's always nice to be out there, especially when the weather is shiny and breezy. Then after my day out, I'd feel a bit happier and ready to tackle the job.

quick update

2010-04-18T11:32:00.002+07:00

My fave photo of me so far, taken by Restu, at Phra Nomh (Tomb Raider's temple), Angkor Archaeological Park. Yes, I've been to Angkor temples. :)

shoes to girls are like..

2010-03-19T01:30:00.002+07:00

We were walking up the road to his house after the rain, and we were met by a shallow puddle.

Me: "Hati-hati Ri. Nanti sepatu baru kamu basah."

Him: "Ha? Lah emang supaya kaki kita yang ga basah kan Yu?"

Well, he's right. Unfortunately, most of us women might probably think the other way. We try to keep our pwettie wittle shoes out of the rain, out of the dust and out of anything that would probably spoil the beauty of our shoes - when in fact, shoes are truly made to keep our feet clean by having the rain and dust stuck to them. I am (still) one of those women but I couldn't agree more with him.

The other day, I was chit-chatting with Dad before we go to sleep. He was arguing about the Traditional Market vs. Hypermarket issue that was written in one national newspaper the day before. He said, it's irrational if we go against Hypermarkets because naturally people prefer to go and buy fresh ingredients from the cleanest place possible. Therefore, if we want to preserve these Traditional Markets, we (and by 'we', I mean the government) should provide these traditional 'marketers' a few cleaner places to sell their goods - not by prohibiting (new) Hypermarkets from doing business in this country.

And those, are two of the many reasons why I go crazy over engineers. :)

take me home, country road

2010-03-05T20:54:00.004+07:00

Hello y'all!

I've just got back from Lampung, the province that's a strait-apart from our beloved Java. It takes only 35 minutes of flight and by the time the plane has finished its take-off, it's preparing for its landing sooner than you can say 'Goodbye Java'. Meanwhile, it took aprox. 2 hours flight to Balikpapan. I hate to say that my experiences in East Borneo were better than the ones in Lampung, but it is the truth.

And as you can see, I've changed the layout. Credits go to Btemplate.com, thank you for providing such easy and delightful Blogger templates :) Anyhoo, because I'm still exhausted from the trip and because I haven't got hold of the picture from the trip, let me finish early. Toodle-oo.

and that's all i've gotta say about that

2010-02-07T01:24:00.000+07:00

I'm drawing a blank here.

So I'll just write anything that comes right to my mind, yeah?

There's been a... 'ceramah' (how do you translate that?) going in my office on Monday in every two weeks. The preacher (am i right? is that the term?) told us, in our first session, that there'll be no relations in judgement day and in the afterlife. The reason is that so those who'll go to heaven won't worry about their family and friends over at hell. Yikes.

I was kinda disappointed with that. I used to believe that if I'll go to heaven, I'll meet my mother (and beloved ones) there, and then this preacher told me it ain't gonna happen. Well, if I'm not meeting my mother, I feel pretty much sure that afterlife will suck. But as we don't really know, I guess I'm better off believing my mother will be there with me in the afterlife. Who knows that-divine-thing-up-there will grant me my wish. :)

wack-a-doodle rampant

2009-12-19T20:01:00.004+07:00

I heard so many news about my college friends today. Most of them are good news, but I can't help feeling stressed out. Compared to them, I feel the sense of under-achievement. One of them is an HR assistant manager in one of the biggest oil and gas companies (which is sadly one of my dream job), some are finishing their Master degrees, some are applying and have been applied to Master program (and landed themselves scholarships) and some are..well, some are achieving over me simply by working in a stable company and get a decent job.

No, this is not me being ungrateful and whining. This is me smacking my own head and wondering why I let my life took a whole different turn. Well yeah, God has plans for me but I bet God gave me the chance to choose what I wanted to do then.

...

Wow, I seem so depressing..

Anyway, on a lighter note, I learned about hernia today.

Wait, that doesn't seem more cheerful.

But oh what the hell..

So yeah.. I learned about hernia today. Me and dad went to my uncle's private practice and they first talked about mother's brain hernia. Turned out that when someone has been diagnosed with a quite severe hernia in his/her vital part, death is only a matter of days. Yes, it's that bad. So if you find a painful bump on your body, go check it as soon as you can. Uncle also said that hernia is like a wall without proper foundation - when you knock it, it'll all come tumbling down. And you can't prevent it! You wouldn't know you have the tendency until you have it. And note this, every female reader of my blog: the tendency (like any other genetic diseases and malfunctions) is also determined during pregnancy.

The last bit of information freaked me out. I once read an article that a child's psychology and physiology is determined even at the earliest stage of reproduction. So it all correlates. Hmmm..

Wow. Now this post is turning into a geek.

Nevertheless, I learned other two things about hernia and pregnancy-determined sickness. One; is that we humans are more fragile than I thought to be and our lives are even more at the mercy of God. Two; is that even when parents don't mean it and don't want it, they still make their children's lives a mess.

So dear future children of mine, I hope you'd forgive me and still pray for me even when I'm not around. May you be great people despite your flaws from my mistakes. Amen.

-- Femoral hernia picture is taken from here.

lost cat

2009-12-15T00:59:00.003+07:00

When work, commitment, and pleasure all become one and you reach that deep well where passion lives, nothing is impossible. (Unknown)

If there is no passion in your life, then have you really lived? Find your passion, whatever it may be. Become it, and let it become you and you will find great things happen FOR you, TO you and BECAUSE of you. (T. Alan Armstrong)

Passion and purpose go hand in hand. When you discover your purpose, you will normally find it’s something you’re tremendously passionate about. (Steve Pavlina)

Nothing great in the world has been accomplished without passion. (Georg Wilhelm Friedrich Hegel)

Hello God, I think I may need a high-dose injection of passion right now. I have absolutely no idea where I should happily drain all my energy into.

it's not the same of having you here

2009-12-03T22:05:00.002+07:00

He's finally going to a different island and we're gonna have a semi long-distance relationship. This is totally new to me.

I know I'm not abandoned, but I'd still prefer not being left behind. It's always been my issue since I was a child.

And at this time of my life, I'm actually one of those easy quitters. I even think I may have given up on getting myself applied for next year's postgraduate program.

So yeah, I've had thoughts about quitting early. I know, I'm such an awful person, you don't need to tell me that.

But I'm not quitting. Because he's such a good catch and he's not a quitter. Plus, it's such a lame excuse to quit and it'd make me a friend less.

I really hope we can work this out. Amen.

what difference did it made?

2009-11-06T22:53:00.008+07:00

Closure.

That's what I get.

I cannot deny that it's the sight of another heartbreak. Almost the same heartbreak with my mother's passing. I knew the conclusion was drawing and it wouldn't be a good news to me. I am going to endure it and am trying to remember how I'd survive and move on.

I wanted to ask the experts on moving on. But they aren't available at the moment and I don't want to bother them this late. So I looked for another source: my own blogs and journals. Ah, what better way to show yourself that you're gonna be alright in the end than learning from your own chronicles?

I found it, at my other old blog, entirely dedicated to another person in another time when I was (or I think I was) more foolish than I am right now.

I feel a lot better after reading it, for unknown reasons even to myself. Maybe I felt like the younger me is smacking me in the face with it - saying "Hey older me, even I can move on. Why the hell do you think you can't?"

-ah saya meracau.. lalalalala-

i'll be your vanilla ice cream and i'll sing you lullabies

2009-11-01T17:49:00.003+07:00

I don't know how to do this without being preachy. I don't even want to sound preaching or to sound like a goody-two-shoes. But this philosophy has been helping me a lot whenever I find myself overwhelmed with either positive or negative feelings.

Here it is:

Whatever you're dealing with, be it happiness or sadness, it all belongs to The One and Only (a.k.a. God). The luxuries you have, it can be easily taken away when God wants to. So do the tragedies. We're better off thinking that everything we have in life is.. God's deposits for us to manage and use well (and yes, that includes our disadvantages). Bottom-line, nothing is truly ours to begin with. (bahkan pahala dan dosa aja bukan kita yang menentukan kan? apalagi barang-barang yang ga bisa dibawa ke liang kubur)

Anyway,

Dad said yesterday that he heard Mom's voice whispering to his right ear while he was doing the morning prayer. He said that the voice told him not to go with this woman who is interested in meeting him to 'form a new family' (if you get what I mean) and he did what the voice told him to.

I'm not a big fan of supernatural phenomenon like this, but I always believe in my dad every time he talks about these things. I think it's nice when you get the answer for the question that's been nagging you. Especially when you believe that it comes from a divine power. That way you have more faith in what you do next, even though you may not exactly understand why. It's what I've been looking for in these couple of days.

But maybe I have to be as wise and religious as my dad before I get the answer...

totally random

2009-10-19T21:50:00.003+07:00

If you look at my photos and get introduced to me for the first time, you'd think I was an ordinary person. When you get to know me better, you'd think I was one of the nicest people on earth but also timid. When you've spent a lot of time with me and get lucky by being there when a crisis strikes me, you'd rethink your perception about me.

I always fail to believe that I am an ordinary person. I just happen to look like one. I also have a strong stance on my beliefs. Sometimes my words would hurt people and sometimes I look down on them who're just being ordinary, prefer mainstream stuffs, and laughs at too-famous jokes. Yes, I'm sorry, I am that snobbish.

But before you dis-befriended me, I secretly wish I was any other ordinary human being. Any other ordinary human being would still have his/her mother around, has a few ex-boy/girlfriends, gets to school and wouldn't worry about being pushed for Master degree, gets a decent (and probably boring) job and gets a decent pay. You know, the thing you'd see on an old American family series.

I'm not being disgrateful. Well, sometimes I am, but not right now.

i want to be a cool mom

2009-10-18T01:29:00.005+07:00

I used to think I am a good writer. But after reading through some blogs my friends write, I don't think I am anymore. I write mostly about myself, not about some knowledge that I know of nor something that would give benefit to my readers. I can excuse myself by saying, "Hey, this is my blog. I do what I want to do here." but no. Let me just admit it: I suck at writing a useful blog for other people. So I'll write a useful blog for myself instead.

Heh.

Let's continue.

Today I acted like a total pushover to my bestfriend. I wanted him to go to the annual job fair which is held near our campus. I also wanted him to look for a new job that would give a bigger salary and better experience. I personally believe that he would make a damn-good employee, hence the pushover. But nah-uh, he didn't feel like it. So I asked if he opted to stay here and not getting a new job at all for the time being.

And what do you know?

He told me to bug off - because he didn't have a plan. Yet. (Well, he'd better...) And he didn't want to talk about it.

I was furious. If we were having this conversation face-to-face, I swear I would choke him to (near) death. Here I was, trying to help him see what he wanted out of his life and he tried swat me off like a fly. After that, a cold war ensued...

...for not very long. We made up at this cool Balinese show in campus and we talked about it on the way home. He was..hmm.. well, let's say he'd seemed to be taking it easy while I'd gotten it all worked up.

*but hey, come on, not having a plan isn't something to be taken lightly... just my opinion tho'*

On my own way home, I contemplated a little further. Was I a control freak? Didn't I look like my dad a bit when I freaked out like that? Oh my God, what if I end up being a control freak mother to my children, the one who always nags and can't cut them some needed slack? Well I don't wanna do that my children, so might as well I should learn not to do it to my friends, right?

But really, no life plan at all? Pffftt. You must be really confident, buddy.

nah loh..

2009-09-13T23:35:00.003+07:00

ah kampr*t..

saya juga ga mau perasaan ini tau ga? daripada saya sakit hati, mending saya suka sama orang yang mau aja sama saya.

tapi apa daya, walau sikap lo ajaib dan lo jelas2 bukan orang yang lebih soleh dari saya, dan dia lebih soleh-sabar-baik banget, pilihan jelas-jelas condong ama lo.

mungkin karena lo lebih logis dari saya dan pastinya lebih bisa ngatur saya, mungkin juga karena saya butuh tantangan.

yang pasti, ayah saya bilang saya harus pilih lelaki yang menimbulkan perasaan DEG di hati. dan gawatnya, laki-laki itu lo.

nah loh..

bingung ga tuh saya?

bite your tongue

2009-07-22T17:10:00.005+07:00

Hari ini saya dibilang cewe angkuh oleh teman saya - tapi tidak dengan nada ngajak berantem ataupun menghakimi. Dia juga sebetulnya angkuh dan dia tahu pasti itu. Saya tidak keberatan dibilang angkuh, karena saya memang angkuh.

Angkuh di sini bukan dalam pengertian saya pilih-pilih teman atau tidak mau makan di warteg. Tapi memang keangkuhan saya membuat beberapa hal tertentu tidak bisa ditawar, terutama dalam hal mencari (atau dicari sebagai) pasangan dan mencari universitas buat S2.

Nah, keangkuhan sebetulnya membuat repot diri sendiri dan saya sadar akan ada suatu waktu di mana saya harus kompromi.

Tapi tidak sekarang, kawan. Saat ini saja sudah banyak keinginan saya yang mesti saya bunuh. Jangan suruh saya ikuti keinginan orang lain - walaupun mungkin itu baik buat saya.

Ah jadi ngamuk-ngamuk deh saya. :p Yah intinya, saya hanya terima masukan dan arahan dari Yang di Atas untuk saat ini. Saya tidak tahan deh dinasihatin untuk kompromi terhadap hal-hal yang ga bisa ditawar di atas.

splurge splurge splurge

2009-07-09T23:04:00.008+07:00

I want you to meet my new babies!!!

Finally got my hands on a pair of those Wondershoes. Felt a little snug at first time but eventually it feels okay and quite comfy. :) And... look at what I've also finally bought from the bookshelves!

Oh yes, it's Lonely Planet's guide to Indonesia!

Err..

Yea, this might sound ridiculous to you because as a true and proud Indonesian, I should've known better about my country than a bunch of backpackers or travelers. But hey, I gotta admit that this book offers a lot of information that can save me a lot of money should I go travel around Indonesia.

Although it's not going to happen anywhere near soon... :p

postingan ga penting

2009-06-18T14:52:00.005+07:00

Saya pernah bertanya pada teman-teman baik saya: Kalau lo sudah berumur 40 dan masih belum menikah, kira-kira siapa temen baik lo yang mau lo ajak nikah? Tentu saja dengan asumsi bahwa teman mereka tersebut juga belum menikah. Ya, hal ini terinspirasi serial Friends dan How I Met Your Mother - di mana karakter-karakter di dalamnya memiliki apa yang mereka sebut 'backup spouse' (suami/istri cadangan).

Saya pun jadi kepikiran punya suami cadangan, in case saya menjomblo sampai usia 40 tahun tapi semoga ga kejadian. Amin. Tapi tentu saja meminta seseorang jadi cadangan merupakan hal yang sedikit tidak etis. Itu seperti sedikit mendiskreditkan. Bahkan para atlit saja ogah diminta duduk di bangku cadangan. Ya kan?

Beberapa nama pun muncul di benak. Sekarang, tinggal cek apa kah mereka berbalas backup dengan saya. Tapi sebelum semuanya beres saya tanya, saya sudah kecewa, karena sudah ada 50% yang tidak memikirkan saya sebagai backup spouse. Padahal saya sedikit yakin saya masuk hitungan mereka. Mungkinkah saya seharusnya senang, karena berarti saya tidak dijadikan cadangan?

Apapun itu, saya pun jadi kepikiran hal lain. Seandainya saya adalah suatu produk, kira-kira siapa target market yang tepat untuk produk ini? Karena jujur saja, bahkan Saya Si Produk ga gitu laku di market terdekat. Padahal, saya itu ga neko-neko, 100% dari bahan alami, dan user-friendly. Cuma memang sayangnya, desain saya kurang aerodinamis dan interface saya sederhana.

*ko gw jadi kepikiran hape yah? eniwei..*

Saya pun mengingat-ngingat kembali mereka-mereka yang pernah memasukkan saya ke dalam pertimbangan utama mereka. Hmmm.. Kalau saya mesti mengklasifikasikan, mereka termasuk kategori konsumen yang baik hati dan sweet. Hehehehe.. (Geli sendiri). Wah, padahal sebetulnya target market keinginan saya itu konsumen yang sedikit gahar, gagah tapi cerdas.

*terus sekarang jadi kepikiran brandingnya rokok. hahahahaha. eeniweeeiii..*

Eniwei, jam kantor sudah beres nih. Jadi saya sudahi dulu. Mudah-mudahan saya ingat buat nerusin. hahahahah

cross-religion lesson

2009-06-12T21:22:00.003+07:00

Kemarin teman saya cerita tentang bagaimana dia jadian. Dia bilang dia dan calon pasangannya berdoa selama 2 bulan agar dua-duanya yakin dengan hubungan mereka. Oh ya, perlu diketahui, teman saya ini Kristen (saya lupa Protestan atau Katolik). Awalnya saya kira hal ini merupakan hal yang lumrah untuk umat Kristen, tapi ternyata tidak. Berarti, apa kah teman saya ini seorang yang sangat relijius? Menurut pengakuannya sih, dia gak relijius-relijius amat.

Yah, anggap lah dia memang jemaat yang biasa-biasa saja. Berarti, kejadian ini cukup spesial karena dia melakukan hal baik yang tidak lumrah.

Nah, mari berkaca.

Berapa persen dari umat Islam yang sholat istikharah pas 'ditembak'? Kalau dilamar, yah gw ngerti lah. Tapi pas 'ditembak'? Atau saat 'menembak'? Atau sekedar berdoa minta diberi keyakinan saja ketika hal ini terjadi?

Memang sih kita kehilangan rasa tegang dan esensi seru dari menunggu jawaban kalau kita harus solat atau berdoa lah minimal. Tapi mungkin yah.. mungkin loh, ketika kita akhirnya jadian atau ga jadian atau nanti putus atau malah berlanjut ke pelaminan, kita punya keyakinan besar bahwa itu lah jalan yang terbaik. It saves a lot of emotional turnmoil and all those dramas. So.. why not?

random stuffs

2009-06-07T01:11:00.002+07:00

1. This endless bickering between Indonesians and Malaysians is overrated and past its due date (alias basi!). Kita tuh sama-sama orang Melayu. Akar kita sama. Memang banyak perbadaan antara kita dan Malaysia dan banyak pula yang kita debat dan rebutkan. But hating each other is like hating your own cousin. And can't we take negative comments as feedback without blaming the other party, please? That's what civilized people would do.

2. Dude, if you like that girl, just say it. Gw nanya bukan karena gw mau ngata-ngatain, tapi gw cuma mau konfirmasi, astagaaa.

3. So.. I think if the feeling wants to show, then I'll let it show. Memiliki perasaan itu, rasa bersalah karena memiliki perasaan itu, dan mencoba menahan perasaan itu agar tidak muncul adalah pekerjaan yang melelahkan. Mungkin itu yang membuat rambut saya cepat rontok akhir-akhir ini.

4. Google Earth tidak cocok dengan koneksi internet lambat. Atau mungkin dia sedang sentimen dengan saya yang teledor.

what are you looking for?

2009-05-24T23:14:00.004+07:00

The question was raised again by Dad yesterday's afternoon. So I did the usual routine.

I pouted, and say whatever argument that came to mind. The reason was weak, but at least the pouting worked - at least for today.

For your information, Dad's question wasn't meant at concrete stuffs. I wasn't looking for my glasses or some important documents. It is something abstract and very important to be found; the main reason why you do the things you do.

The titular question has nagged me since I went out late during my college years and it was asked for most of my non-academic activities, even though I did benefit from those activities. Recently, the question is addressed to stuffs ranging from non-work matters to.. well, everything, basically. Like, "What are you looking for in ... [dancing lessons/managing a band/doing consulting work in Bandung/etc.]?"

He never forgets to ask that question at me.

I know Dad wants me to have a clear direction in life. No, let me rephrase that; a concise guideline on how to live my life. I also know that Dad is just hoping I get the best out of life. (Un)fortunately, there are also a lot of people like Dad around me. Say... some of my relatives, and some of my lecturers a.k.a. Mom's friends who look concerned with my faith (ok, I'm exaggerating a bit). Their questions are different, but hold the same true core; What would you do with your life, Budiarti Rahayu? Will you take a Master degree soon? Does it cross your mind to be the successor of your Mom's job? What do you really pursue when you choose to go back to Bandung and work in a local company? Got a husband potential yet?

I don't know and I don't think this is a bad thing, at the moment. I enjoy living my life as it is, without planning any serious objectives and time to accomplish.

Because, you see, there's also a benefit in having no direction at all - as well as having them. I used to dream about being a consultant and now I am one, but it's not my picture perfect one. But I am grateful right now for it so I know I ain't choosing this type of work when I get married. And as for having no directions, I am grateful I did once managed a band and sucked at it so I know I'm not cut for it. And hey, I'm happy when I dance, so isn't that enough reason for those lessons?

But of course, I'd like to take a Master or MBA degree. And I will look for a husband, eventually (but am now relishing the fact that despite alone, am romantically problem-free *evil laughs*). Being a lecture in ITB? Why not? Not having sorted the whats, whens and hows out yet, doesn't mean I am helplessly lost.

Bah, I'm blabbering nonsense and I'm probably being too laidback for my own good. But believe me, that question always comes to consideration most of the time recently and it's evolving into a new question; Whom do I want to be?

And that, my friend, with all the previous questions, will have their answers. :)

expect in modest amount

2009-05-15T23:54:00.002+07:00

What do I expect?

A proclamation of desire?

An easy way to end this relentless devoid?

But I will not let this be another play of a one-sided affection , with the same old characters. I have, however, suffered a greater loss than this one. And I've lost this particular one more than enough to everybody else.

And it's not as if I've given it my most sincere effort.

Do you not think so?

attention: there's been a change of plan

2009-05-12T20:54:00.003+07:00

Menjelang wisuda, gw sempat bercita-cita masuk UNESCO atau jadi staf ahli PBB. Helping people and getting paid for doing good deeds would be really cool, I thought. Tapi begitu melihat syarat bekerja mereka, gw mengurungkan diri. Kata mereka, gw harus bergelar Master atau memiliki pengalaman kerja minimal 2 tahun.

Untungnya gw punya dua cita-cita. Cita-cita gw tidak jauh-jauh dari sikap 'menolong orang'; konsultan. Cita-cita ini harus menunggu selama setahun. Selama masa menunggu itu, gw sedang bekerja sebagai staf SDM suatu kantor konsultan multinasional. Jujur saja, waktu itu gw merasa kerjaan gw tidak begitu menantang secara berpikir - tapi secara ketelatenan. Gw merasa kerjaan konsultan lebih keren daripada kerjaan gw waktu itu.

Sekarang, gw menjalani cita-cita kedua gw tersebut. Memang tidak di tempat seprestisius sebelumnya, tapi sudah cukup buat gw. Terlebih klien kantor gw adalah suatu BUMN - artinya kerjaan gw berguna bagi negara. :p Setelah 4 bulan lebih, gw kembali berpikir lagi tentang cita-cita ini.

Memang sekarang kerjaan gw lebih menantang, baik secara ketelatenan dan pola pikir. Plus, karena di sini klasifikasi kompetensinya tidak sejelas di tempat gw terdahulu, otomatis gw dan teman-teman harus sedikit serba bisa. Bisa ngeprint rapi, bisa ngelayout laporan, bisa survei lapangan, bisa jadi call center, bisa ngerencananin jadwal perjalanan survei, you name it we can do it. Dan layaknya konsultan, jam kerja gw bener-bener fleksibel. Fleksibel dalam arti gw boleh dateng telat, tapi berarti gw bisa aja pulang pagi. Gw juga bekerja 6 hari dalam seminggu.

*gasps*

Yes, betul. Jangan shock gitu dong, pembaca. :p Gw tau betul kerjaan konsultan bisa membuat seseorang jadi tidak punya banyak waktu di luar pekerjaan. Gw kira gw ga bakal kenapa-kenapa dengan situasi tersebut. Gw pikir mengejar karir itu sangat menyenangkan dan akan terlihat keren. Mungkin ini karena pengaruh almarhumah Ibu. Tapi gw yang saat ini masih single pun agak-agak ga terima, karena waktu buat diri gw sendiri dan orang lain jadi sedikit. Jadi, gw memutuskan ga akan mau kerja konsultan setelah gw nikah.

Saat gw menyadari ini, gw juga jadi menyadari bahwa gw ga butuh-butuh amat kerjaan keren. Kerjaan bukan sesuatu yang dapat kita banggakan saat ajal menjemput. It's not even something we'd cherish when we grow old and dry. Sekarang, gw malah akan puas dengan kerjaan yang mediocre asalkan gw punya pembagian waktu yang seimbang. Dan selama gw punya keluarga yang bahagia dan gw punya teman-teman kerja yang menyenangkan, dan juga teman-teman di luar kerja yang sama menyenangkan; itu saja sudah lebih dari cukup.

Sebutlah gw konservatif atau ga ambisius. Tapi daripada gw mengecewakan anak gw dengan ketinggalan panggung pertamanya, mending gw dimarahin bos karena bolos. Lagipula kan pasti bapaknya rajin. ;)

not of utmost importance

2009-04-30T23:43:00.002+07:00

This is something I made at the office. It's not finished yet, but I'm working on it. It was inspired by a series of minor events, articles at Psychology Today (hehehe) and I don't know..my trait of being a cry baby when my friends get hurt, perhaps. So here goes:

I'm the kind of friend who'll stay

even when you push me away,

and the one who'll always stick

even if you hit me with a brick.

Disappointments may occur

you'll remember them in a blur

but if I once made you feel low

don't be afraid to let me know.

You won't have to worry

Just share me the burden you carry

and I'll be telling him to get lost

when he gets you crossed.

And you don't need to frown

when life gets you down

but I'll be here, my dear;

to shed the same tear,

and lend my ear.

it's too late to regret this

2009-04-21T21:50:00.006+07:00

"Gw rasa gw salah jurusan. Hwahahahaha"

adalah status yang gw pasang kemarin malam. Kenapa? Entah kenapa gw punya premonition (tepatnya post-monition) bahwa karakter gw bukan karakter anak SBM pada umumnya. Bukan, bukan berarti kemampuan otak saya ga mampu (alhamdulillah).

Status gw tersebut mengundang banyak message di YM. Isinya kebanyakan bertanya kenapa dan gw ceritakan alasannya - dengan sedikit sensoran karena ga mau terlihat seperti anak ilang. Tapi memang gw seperti anak hilang, karena dari dulu sampai sekarang gw lebih banyak berinteraksi dengan teman-teman ITB yang non-SBM. Ditambah lagi, ga sedikit orang yang menebak gw dari Teknik Industri atau Biologi. Bahkan, ada juga yang mengira gw dari Matematika. Dan alasan mereka semua karena gw ga ada tampang SBM.

Gw akhirnya bertanya pada teman kantor/SMA gw, kira-kira gw cocoknya jurusan apa kalau bukan di SBM. Jawabannya lucu; katanya gw cocok di Teknik Lingkungan, tapi secara pergaulan gw cocok di Teknik Elektro yang (gosipnya) cewe-cewenya ga nge-geng. Bermula dari itu, gw dan teman gw tiba-tiba kepikiran untuk bertanya ke orang-orang. Andaikata mereka ga tau gw dari SBM (dan teman gw dari TI), mereka bakal ngira gw (dan temen gw) dari jurusan apa?

Dan ini lah hasilnya (diurut dari suara yang paling banyak):

Teknik Industri: sekitar 8-9 suara
Farmasi, Akuntansi: masing-masing 2 suara
Teknik Sipil, Teknik Lingkungan, Geofisika/Meteorologi, Desain Interior dan Fakultas Kedokteran: masing-masing 1 suara

Terimakasih buat teman-teman yang sudah berpartisipasi. Hahahaha. Gw seneng jawaban paling banyak itu TI, karena berarti tampang gw bisa dipercaya untuk melakukan yell Avanti keren mereka. Tapi tampang saja ga cukup kan? :p

today's ascertainments

2009-04-18T21:15:00.002+07:00

Today I realized:

I've lost genuine compassion after series of loss. Not that I can't be compassionate again, no. I'm implying that now it takes quite an effort to feel sympathetic or compassionate toward a person who doesn't make it to my Favorite People list. But fear not, dear reader, you can easily tell when my affection is sincere.
I believe my future Mr. Awesome is an ITB graduate and he's gonna be tall. (please make this come true, God)
Maybe I was high on happiness-inducing substance when it happened, but I could recall the feeling of being on a date while actually not being on a date.
Somehow I can't help feeling sad that some of my good friends aren't "kids" anymore. Not that I'm not happy they've finally graduated, but because they will be going into different directions. :( *Graduation Blues Alert!*
I think I know why Dad wants me to be in a stable relationship. If anything happens to him, at least I still have my sister and my future significant other.

And I think that's it..

Cheerio!

we sing the nightmare of the lies that you speak

2009-04-12T23:03:00.002+07:00

Salah satu teman baik gw baru putus minggu ini. Dan teman baik gw satu lagi tampaknya akan putus besok. Hari ini pas makan sore, gw Fahri Echa dan Raka menguak cerita putus masing-masing (kecuali Echa).

Beda orang beda cerita. Pastinya.

Tadi sempat terpikir, mungkin mantan kita masing-masing juga pernah cerita ke teman mereka (atau ke teman-teman kita yang notabene teman mereka juga) tentang kita. Kalau begitu, pandangan mereka (yang diceritain dan dicurhatin) tentang kita pasti jadi berbeda. Well, it's sort of inevitable, ya ga sih? Tapi tadi, gw yang biasanya suka mikirin pandangan orang tentang gw, entah kenapa ga begitu peduli - asalkan temen-temen gw ga kepengaruh.

Lalu tadi kami sempat ngebahas soal 'apakah salah jadi cowo yang baik?' di dalam suatu hubungan. Hmm.. Secara teori sih ga salah. Bisa merugikan diri sendiri sih, iya. Tapi gw rasa banyak loh cewe-cewe yang ngerasa cowo baik itu susah dicari. Gw, salah satunya. Atau banyak juga cewe-cewe yang ketemu cowo baik tapi sayangnya si cowo baik itu susah digaet. Gw juga, salah satunya.

*curhat colongan alert*

Oh iya, gw ga mesti deskripsikan cowo baik tuh kyk gimana yah. Para wanita tahu pasti kok cowo baik itu seperti apa, dan para pria pun tau apakah mereka masuk kategori baik atau berengsek.

Yah intinya, gw sebagai cewe akan lebih suka kalau cowo-cowo baik yang ada di muka bumi ini tetap jadi cowo baik. Karena hidup gw dan cewe-cewe lain yang mencari cowo-cowo baik akan lebih mudah. Walau mungkin para lelaki baik hati ini akan sering merasa dirugikan, dipermainkan, dan diremehkan sebelum bertemu dengan kami-kami ini. We want you to hang on to being good guys, lads. 'Cause once you've found the right woman, she would never ever ever take you for granted.

So here's to all the good guys, especially the single ones. May you get the one whom you trully deserve. Cheers!

my dancing teacher's advice

2009-04-08T22:46:00.003+07:00

"Cewe itu keliatannya nunggu. Tapi sebetulnya dia juga ancang-ancang maju."

Well, yea, he was obviously talking about waltz, but I couldn't help thinking that that advice just doesn't stop right there.

My dancing teacher is inspirational. :p

Anyhoo, at one day Dad texted a weird message saying that he's worried I still haven't got a boyfriend. As I look around and finding nothing interesting (yet), maybe we (me and Dad) may have to wait. After all, good things come to those who wait (and those who get ready). :)

Selamat Menyontreng, Y'all!

chronology of the day

2009-04-05T00:50:00.003+07:00

4 PMish. Decided to go to PVJ with Dad. Actually, it was Dad's decision.

5.30 PM. Bought Charles & Keith's bronze sandals!

5.45 PM. Windowshopped at MNG. Good jeans, but pricey. Might buy a fancy top or dress one day.

6.15 PM. Ordered at Hana Sushi (I won't recommend it). Dad tried to strike a conversation with the waitress but failed.

6.16 PM. Desperately needed a real date and was tired of paternal date.

6.40 PM. Dad tried to srike a conversation again with the family sitting beside our table. Another strike out.

7.00 PM. Kept my mouth shut the entire way back home.

7.27 PM. Was getting ready for another PVJ outing with Acc3nturi4n friends, kneeling in front of wardrobe and repeatedly saying 'I'm tired, I'm tired, God, I'm tired' (of lousy Saturdays)

8.00 PM. Laughed out loud with Dad at The Best of Saturday Night Live.

Near 9 PM. Angky called and I rushed out.

10 PMish. Stupid traffic jam! Got a parking slot. Met Ent3rpr1s3 friends, went to see the brondongs.

11 PM. Brondongs going back to hotel. Thanks for Brondong A, who wanted to walk me to the car. :) Brondong E and not-so-brondong Y talked me into having gelato before their movie.

11.40 PM. Oh.I'm.So.Dead.I.Promised.Dad.I'd.Be.Home.Before.12!!! On second thought..nah, I don't care.

12.17 AM. Dad slept through the entire process of me getting home, parking the car and locking the garage. Super-sneaky me! Ha!

12.35 AM. My period has officially started. That explains the raging hormone.....

1.10 AM. Decided to write a post about it and realized that God did damage control of my day today. And wanted to avoid another feeling pathetic episode caused by PMS.

one day you're gonna meet a guy who's gonna make you want to look like a complete idiot

2009-04-04T00:23:00.002+07:00

Popularity.

Is not a thing I'm gifted with. Nor charm. Nor eloquence. But I always have my clique or close-knit friends. For me that has been always enough. Plus, I'm the type of person who doesn't want to be a majority.

I see now that it's kind of sad.

I see friends from elementary, junior high and senior high still..I don't know, what's the word?.. bonding? And I feel like being the most worst friend of the planet. And feeling alone, too. And feeling like blaming the way I was grown at home.

I (still) can't go out a lot. Parents never gave out advices on how to make great conversations. I was mostly taught to be independent, and thinking that too much 'pergaulan' could make me gone wrong. Even Dad still asks, "What benefit do you get by hanging out with friends?"

D-uh, D-ad..

Eniwei, I think it has also a side effect on my love life. Little scope of friends means little scope for potential partners. Right? ;D

Yea, so, I made a promise to myself to be more active socially. So the future me won't be as sad and 'kuper' as the current one. ;)

the very reason i need to marry an engineer

2009-04-01T21:02:00.002+07:00

..is that my father is one engineer already and it drives me nuts everytime I try to make decisions because he would always, always put his two cents on everything, practically everything but would often leaves hints that I need to do research and forecasting therefore leaves me undecided so it'd be great if my husband has the same smart attitude but would understand that I don't intend doing research and calculation before I decide on buying something that actually doesn't affect the household cashflow.

Ugh!

...

Sorry about that. I just had a bad night yesterday.

Can you believe this person? I said I'd give him a second chance as long as he's not trying to make a move on me. He was bugging me, said he was only wanted to talk. So I gave in.

It was going okay. (I am being merciful as I'm writing this, please note.) We even had fun laughing at my (previous) prejudice on him. But then he had to blew it by asking "Hey, are you close with someone recently?". What kind of friend-talk is that? And you said you only wanted to talk?

Bullcrap.

I should've trusted my instincts. I know that I have difficulties trusting someone. It was already red alert on this guy and I should've taken that seriously.

..and this post is going depressing. Haha.

Eniweiiii.. (cape pake bahasa Inggris terus), kemaren gw melihat keajaiban pas pergi ke kantor. Ada angkot ngasih jalan buat mobil yang nyebrang (tepatnya buat belok sih). Terus karena kehalang si angkot, mobilnya mesti mundur dulu. Supir angkotnya mau ngebantuin mobil itu mundur biar ga nabrak angkot ataupun mobil gw. Wah..

Isn't it good to know that there are still some polite angkot-drivers around? ;)

And check this out; my Acc3nturi4n friends are coming to toooowwwnn! Woootttt! Yes, the whole bunch, ladies and gentlemen. That only happens once in .. urmm .. 4-5 years?

i'll take whatever i can get?

2009-03-30T00:19:00.002+07:00

I just downloaded Zu's latest album, Carboniferous, that scores 83 on Metacritic so far. It's apparently not ear-friendly, nor harmony-friendly. But I guess this is the kind of music I'd like to hear after unpleasant minor events that ruined my day.

It goes without saying that working on weekend sucks big time. I have to finish 6-7 reports by either Monday or Tuesday. I'm currently on Report # 3.

Adding to that, here's the unpleasant minor eventa:

1. I was bothered again. By someone I don't really want to talk to and to talk about.

2. I just found out that my crush has hooked up. Yeah, the crush who got me feeling I am doing the 4 kilometers running test everytime we get in touch. Out of breath and tired.

Am I cursed? :(

besides smart-ass,

2009-03-21T21:37:00.002+07:00

I also dislike people who outwelcome their stay.

First of all, I'm not a good person. Far from it. I behave nicely because of social pressure and because I'm scared I'd get bad karma from behaving otherwise.

Second, I'm easily disturbed by people who want my attention but who have nothing really interesting to say to me (close friends, families, amiable co-workers, cute guys, husband potentials excluded).

Put 1 and 2 together, you'd get 3: I don't like responding to people who waste my time AND when I do respond, I get stressed out. Makes me want to jam my shoes into their mouths.

Well, okay, I guess I need an anger management class. Or screw the karma thing altogether.

-untung ada sepatu C&K baru yang dapat menceriakan hatiku :] -

long weekend is a myth

2009-03-07T22:47:00.000+07:00

I woke up feeling really tired. That's my fault entirely, because I waited for a download and stayed up late. I don't know if it only occurs to me, but downloading in Google Chrome is a total bleh. It never really finishes and I had to restart a couple of times before I gave up and moved to Firefox.

And then I stupidly made myself late for work. The results are disastrous. I didn't have the time to wash my hair who's gone AWOL. I forgot to change my panty.

Total mess.

Also, due to my new project's sudden request, I couldn't attend my friend's birthday lunch. Well, I didn't know what struck me. I should've gone out and ditched the task. But probably because I didn't want to feel guilty for leaving my co-workers with a tense atmosphere. And neither did I have the time to meet my college friends because of the assignment.

Augh, my Saturday was ruined.

I got a nice little surprise tho'. Thank God for that.

And I can't help but dreading the following week. Can you believe this? Finally a two-days off (I work on Saturdays, mind you) but still a wedding to attend to on Monday and calls to make during the long weekend.

God, I need a proper holiday.

(Kenapa sih mesti nikah hari Senin? *sobs*)

a letter to a friend

2009-03-04T21:12:00.000+07:00

a letter to a friend

Hello there,

I've been your friend for more than 3 years and I have not filed any problem to you until right now. Oh yes, I'm going to. I'm sorry if this creates you any discomfort but I just don't know how to solve it by myself.

I tried. Before. Once. When you tried your best to be everything for her; her boyfriend, her bestfriend, her keeper. I was happy for you, I really do. I wasn't happy with us, tho'. You neglected me after you got a girl in your arms. But I never gave up on you then, didn't I?

I know you believe that friends are not made, they just happen. I agree with you. But I'm a big fan of balance and two-way willpower, also. Hence, even if it's meant to be, that's also because we tried - no matter how small our effort was. So I hope you're not thinking of leaving our friendship to the hands of fate - while you were busy chasing girls.

But enough about me. Let's get to you. Don't go all out pouring yourself to another girl. You told me yourself that you also believe that relationships also happen; you can't help it. Take it slow. You have the tendency to be a selfless giver towards the girls you like. That's charming and I'd also kill for a guy like that. But remember the last time you gave your everything? Remember when you said you probably was too nice for your own good?

Yeah, don't be like that again. You'd exhaust yourself. You won't be able to give your friends any deep and genuine attention.

Hey, I admit I'm less attractive than her to you. Or than any of your ex-girlfriends for that matter. And I know by heart I am not your ideal wife or the perfect mother for your children. And yeah, I also did neglect you when I gave my all to a boyfriend - why do you think I'm telling you this, ha? We both learned the hard way.

But I'd never leave you with a broken heart or keep you hanging on. And I hope that fact alone counts for you to hear me out.

(Okay, so I created some dramas or probably too fussy sometimes. Sorry. That's just me being a girl.)

random stuffs before going to bed

2009-02-28T23:32:00.003+07:00

We watched rugby today and howdy howdy, let's look at those muscles! So manly! *swoons*

But it makes me ponder tho'. With all those muscles, sometimes they look.. gay. Well, not that I have any problem with that.. Also, when me and my cousin had Activ*a, I just noticed that their taste is rather.. medicine-y? Yuck.

Jadi pengen Elle & Vire.

not as glamorous as i thought it would be

2009-02-27T22:47:00.002+07:00

I have quite a contact list on my main Messenger, including those from my previous workplace. Yes, also including those back from my student days that I seldom chat with. With a long list of contacts, alas yet there's little conversation. One of my best friends told me she deleted those who never bother to chat again or those whom she'd never bother again. I can't bring myself to that yet, but there's always a possibility I might.

Back in my MNC days, my Messenger was seldom idle. Either it was work-related or not. And I never went Invisible although I had a lot of work to be done. My previous supervisor once told me smack dab that I had to lessen the use of Messenger (and less browsing). After that incident, I'd like to chat less, of course. The workload in a big consulting company was surely time-demanding and performance-driven, even though I was merely in the supporting workforce. But it was harder than I thought.

There were a lot of people demanding my attention too. Asking me this, asking me that. Work-related and not. Sometimes people would buzz me when I was taking too long to reply or send me a message when I said "I'm busy". I guess it's safe to say that being an HR Rep makes you famous and on high-demand.

I chat less nowadays. There are only 1 or 2 people who'd send me a buzz. People just ignore me when I put on a Busy status. I'm not working on a big consulting company anymore. I'm not handling the information people are dying to know (notice the hyperbole, please); recruitment and a little bit of corporate's compensation and benefit. And I know people are easier to connect when they have at least one major thing in life in common.

I'm currently working for a small local consulting company - as junior consultant, finally. I'm working on 2 projects at the same time and I just found out that one of my projects is actually of national importance. Well, okay, maybe the second one is also of national importance. But I bet there are only few people interested in what's happening on my projects.

I'm not complaining, really. I'm just fascinated. How different your social life can be depending on your choice of company or workplace or type of job. My new career is glamorous in its career-building and resume's value adding way. My old one was making me on high-demand socially and it is the kind of job who ends every 5 pm from Monday to Friday.

Yes, everything has its trade-offs. I'd cope.

my doctor got me high

2009-02-18T21:30:00.004+07:00

Hari Senin tiba-tiba perut gw kram. No, it's not that time of the month. Makanya gw berasumsi kalau kram perut gw dikarenakan les ballroom dance yang tanpa pemanasan atau mungkin karena gw melakukannya terlalu harot. Hehe..

Dan tidur lah gw, dengan harapan besoknya gw udah sembuh.

Ternyata masih kram.

Oke, mulai panik nih. Plus kram-nya udah mencapai perut atas. Waduh, ada apa dengan perut gw? Tiba2 gw teringat urban legend yg ceritanya seseorang sakit perut amat sangat dan ternyata di perutnya ada ular. Tapi perasaan gw ga pernah makan telor ular..

Akhirnya gw memutuskan pergi ke dokter aja. Yea, keliatannya sepele, tapi gimana kalo ternyata dokter gw menemukan bunyi desis dari perut gw? Hahaha.. Duh jangan sampe.

Ternyata, sebetulnya.. maag gw kumat lagi aja.

Tapi heboh bener ya ampe kram begitu. Kata dokter gw sih, kalo maag, simptomnya macem-macem. Bisa perih (udah pernah), mual (pernah juga) sampai kram perut. Kalau kram perut, artinya otot pencernaan gw ya.. kram. (ya eya lah.. ga membantu bgt ya penjelasan gw)

Ga deng. Artinya, otot pencernaan gw tegang karena terlalu berusaha mengolah makanan. Wow.. Kind of funny but also freaky.. Dan setelah disuruh beli Plantacid Forte, gw dikasih obat penahan rasa sakit bernama Tramadol. Tadinya gw tanya, Neuralgin boleh ga (karena do'i tokcer abis gila setiap gw sakit kepala)? Tapi ternyata Neuralgin dan obat lain yg berakhiran -gin itu justru memperparah maag.

I'll keep that in mind.

Nah, Tramadol ini.. Ckckck. Dia emang ga semujarab dan seinstan Neuralgin sih. Gw bilang dia justru terlalu mujarab. Hahahaha.. Sejam dua jam pertama, gw masih ngerasa kram. Pas mau makan siang, gw udah ga ngrasa kram lagi. Beudeuuuhh.. sejam setelah makan, gw udah mulai ngantuk ga karuan dan entah kenapa gw ngerasa psychedelicly calm and content.

Padahal akhir2 ini emosi gw rada ga kekontrol. Hahahaha..

Akhirnya gw nyerah dan tidur selama dua jam. Bangun2.. masih ngantuk dan rada2 fly juga. Hahaha. Buset dah! Terlalu mujarab ini namanya! Mungkin lain kali gue PMS gw makan obat ini aja lagi. Wakakaka..

Hari ini sih gw udah rada mendingan. Tadi pagi tepatnya.. Tapi sekarang mulai kerasa kram lagi. Haduh, repot ya bo'. Padahal gw udah jaga makan gw. :(

Ayo ular, kamu jangan nakal. *hiii sereem*

JUARA! hahahahaha

2009-02-16T18:09:00.001+07:00

Pasti judulnya ketutupan air mata...

Tante #1: "Jeng, loe tau kan filmnya siKeanu yang sama cewe yang sakit kanker itu. Gila yah, gua udah nonton empat kali tetep aja selalu nangis... Aduh apa sih judulnya November... November gitu..."

Tante #2: "Oh yang sama Charlize Terong ya. Gua juga sukaaa. Sedih banget ya."

Tante #1: "Bener banget. November apa yaaa... Oh iya, November Rain!"
Tante #2: "Oiya. Bener, bener. November Rain."

Lift Pacific Place, didengar oleh sepasang kekasih yang langsung ingin memainkan solo gitar selama 20 menit sambil makan terong balado.

*taken from ngupingjakarta.blogspot.com :D

my breaking heart and i agree that you and i could never be

2009-02-14T19:44:00.002+07:00

Judulnya mellow abis ya.. hahaha. It's a line from Natalie Cole's "I Wish You Love" that tells a story about an ex who has this big heart to wish her ex well. But let's not get deeper into that. I've had enough posts about ex. Hahaha.. Although the song right now sings at a related atmosphere.

Brokenhearted? Nope, not quite.

...

Okay, a bit of that. Mostly, about letting go in the most loving and unselfish way and I wish I could do that easily.

Alriiiiitteeeeee...

Sentimental feelings aside, it sure is good to be back to my beloved almamater. I watched the Olympic's closing ceremony and sure as hell and heaven above, Industrial Engineering won the most medals. And then they did their famous yell. (yes, my BCG fellows, you guys know what it is)

Tau ga sih? Tiba2 gw pengen kalo entar gw punya anak (amiiinn), gw pengen anak gw masuk TI ITB dan tentunya masuk himpunannya juga. Terus gw pengen nonton dia melakukan yell-nya Avanti. I mean, it's too late for me now to change my Bachelor degree, right? And although I can date or marry an Industrial Engineering's Bachelor, what's the best thing he could do? Do the Avanti yell before he propose me?

I don't mind, though. Hahahaha..

I wish SBM would create a yell as good as MTI's. SBM kan terkenal kreatif. *sigh* Sayang banget tahun ini mereka ga mau mengeluarkan pemaen buat ikutan Olimpiade - dan akhirnya kalah WO di semua cabang.

Ga. Banget. Wew. Gw kecewa.

2009-02-07T20:07:00.002+07:00

In the morning, you woke me up and irritated me.

After I got off work, we ate sushi with our bare hands because the shopkeeper forgot to give the chopsticks, and you toyed with the information machine at the mall.

Later at night, you told me that you had what I had - tragic love story; which doesn't matter anymore now. She married someone who's not an engineer and doesn't finish his school? Pffttt.. What was she thinking?

But if she didn't, you wouldn't have married Mom. Hahaha.

So, thanks Dad, for making me believe that no one is forever a damaged good - and that having you as a date on Saturday isn't so bad at all. You even laughed at Zack and Miri Make A Porno.

p.s.: Please keep your eyes on the road when you talk. Or just let me drive next time.

lovelorn? hopefully not

2009-02-05T00:31:00.004+07:00

I miss my big sis so much! Hahahaha.. Can't wait for December! We just had a nice laptop-call via Skype and Yahoo! (personally, I think Skype is better), and mostly we talked about.. guys. Or lack of them. Oh, and also work, of course.

:D

Anyway, interesting day today is. Got defended by my team not go to another team (thanks a bunch loh, lovely ladies and gentleman). And that one member of the other team said she actually could pull it off. Hmm.. Peculiar. And was kind of agitated by the fact that my friend fell as a victim of match-making, and it turned out quite well so far.

Kenapa ya? Mungkin karena slama ini gw slalu gagal dicomblangin dan usaha sendiri pun susahnya stengah mampus.

Halo Tuhan, oke deh, saya ga minta banyak2. Forget getting me a guitarist. A decent, normal looking guy with shared values and similar sense of humor is enough for me. Atau justru makin susah? Hehehehehe.. :p

Oyaa.. Came across this video (still related to this post topic):

Did you got me the good ones
The real good ones, what you got
Take a water full, the water tastes good
I took the water and the water was hot

Once in a while, once in a while
You got to burn your lips, keep your feelings alive
Once in a while, once in a while
You got to burn down your house, keep your dreaming alive

So, did you get the real good ones
Did you get the good ones
Oh, did you get the real good ones
Did you get the good ones

The Kills - The Good Ones

yihaw!

2009-02-02T22:44:00.002+07:00

Dan gw pun CLBK dengan blogspot gw.

Knapa?

Oke, pertama, Multiply itu lambreta leleto bangeto. Kedua..mm.. gw udah banyak nge-post di sini sejak, wait for it... SMA! Dulu, blogspot gw tercinta ini sempet penuh postingan yg agak2 depresif sebelum gw tinggalkan dan gw pun selingkuh dengan Multiply. Tapi gw putuskan untuk 'mencintai' blog ini lagi dengan memberikannya layout baru! Dan menghapus postingan2 penuh derita duka lara!

Yeaaahhh..

Eniwei, ada yang tau cara ngegeser si body blog gw ini biar ke tengah ga? Soalnya doi mepet abis ke kiri dan membuat space kanan blog gw kosong melompong.

but i haven't met you yet

2008-03-07T22:32:00.003+07:00

Oh my dear Bloggeerrrr!!!

I miss you a lottt. *kiss* *smooch* *hug*

Oh how I miss the privacy you give me. I know that Multiply isn't any popular than you, but you never tell everyone whenever I put a new post. Huwahahahaa..

So let's start!

It just occurred to me that my ex-big-crush has finally finished his undergrad study and is getting ready for the graduation day as of tomorrow. He is 2 years older than I am and I had this ultra-huge crush on him when I was in high school, and I still have this tiny little crush on him now. It came as a funny fact that we're now both in the same degree of (required) maturity. I used to look up to him every time I tried to define an ideal man; perfect in an imperfect way and a man whom you'd be looking for advice to.

*grin*

Oh anyhow, congrats, hey you! (though i know you won't read this) As my cousin said to me when I passed the 1.5 hours of nightmarish trial, "Welcome to the jungle!". Now I wonder again where he'll end up after this, just like I did when he graduated high school.

*smirk*

To think that I now fill in as a backing vocal for his band.. it would be a crazy dream that'll make me breathless if that idea was proposed back in my high-school days. So thank you God, and I know this gift is yours whenever should You wish to take it. It made me want to write a letter to my highschool-self telling that everything will be a great journey, and to warn never to lose my head and to enjoy myself more. Hehe..

I should do that myself now, shouldn't I? ;)

january 5th

2008-01-05T18:36:00.000+07:00

It's my birthday!
YAY!
Yes, it is!

Mom tried to wake me up and congratulate me by kissing my eye when she was going out to go to Bogor. Dad tried to wake me up and congratulate me by snuffing my cheeks and pinching my nose. And after a while, I was finally awaken.

My oh my, there was a lot of short messages in my cellphone wishing me the best. Thank yous, so I replied. Why, there are only few who wished me luck in love life. Even my ex only wish me in career life, he didn't mention love life. Am I going to be single again this year? Oh woe is me.. But anyhow it's not a matter of life and death.

Before lunch, I went to the police station to make a new driving license. Thanks Dad, it is a really good practical gift, I'll use it more than any gifts I'll receive. =p Then Ay-chan and Bowo from my beloved Apres! gave me a cute stuffed crocodile. I was tempted to name it after my ex, but then again, I wouldn't want to have him in my room, hugged and about. And when I told my dad, he kinda resented it. He said that if I named the stuffed crocodile after my ex, that would mean the name is still stuck in my head and memory. Well I successfully assured him that it was a joke and - honestly - stuck or not, he doesn't have any control of my head and memory.

Oh dear. What a coincidence, as I'm writing this post my ex has just logged on to Yahoo! Messenger. Oh let him be, dear me..

Aside from new driving license and stuffed animal, I got myself a gift. I successfully held back every emotional thing that would go out of my mouth and eyes which may create the possibility of regret, guilt and pity. Anyway, such a pity also that I wasn't patient enough then for something which in long-term would result a lot of loss in my side.

-english pabalatak yeah?-

after office hour

2008-01-03T18:53:00.000+07:00

Bayanganmu menari-nari,
bayangannya menari-nari.
Aku tak peduli lagi,
aku seharusnya tak peduli lagi.

Remang-remang, banyak orang,
menunggu gegap gempita yang mendatangi kita.

Meluncur dan menderas,
semua menghantamku begitu keras.
Berhenti lah, berhenti lah,
berhenti lah membuat konsentrasiku terpecah.

Adiktif, namun korosif.
Rasa penasaran memang lebih baik dibiarkan mati heran.

high on the waves you make for us

2007-11-06T16:20:00.000+07:00

I was on my way home and I had played Deftones' 4th album (self-titled) on cassette.

The rain was pouring non-stop since lunch, my feet and hands are near frozen, the traffic was as sh*tty as if it's weekend, 'Anniversary of An Uninteresting Event' came on, and I didn't turn into a manic-depressive state.

I felt so alive instead.

hilarious stuffs happened after you've gone through 'em

2007-11-04T20:20:00.000+07:00

Oh shoot.. I forgot again to transfer the photos to my laptop. Anyway..

This morning when me and Miss Bien were doing girl-talk, the radio surprisingly played my break-up song. I don't think the song is one of those radio-hits, because I've never heard it before on the radio. It was 'Lloyd, I'm Ready To Be Heartbroken' by Camera Obscura.

Do you want to know what his is?

Bob Marley's 'Redemption Song'.

So as I finished gazing at the past visuals and sounds, I share and laugh at them as usual.

oh brother..

2007-10-26T00:01:00.000+07:00

Yes, I am now safely tucked away in the daily reality called Bandung. And I'm cheating on the jet lag and the preparation for my graduation. I am so sleepy at the right time, but unfortunately the right time is actually has to be spent for preparing the graduation dress, the shoes, the arrangements, and whatnots. And I am sleepy now..

But before I go to bed, I'd love to write out what my thought has brought me to today. I found out that living without expecting that someone will be always by your side (e.g.: a boyfriend, true eternal best friend, any close familial relative, etc.), without someone whom you feel you have social and intimate obligation to, and without adding or degrading value and meaning of what people do to you is a blessed and freer living. And my word, perception is the most delicate thing ever in human relation and it could make our eyes blind, near-sighted or far-sighted.

Bye bye now.. Pictures will come soon. ;)

just before i forgot..

2007-10-21T08:32:00.000+07:00

Before I went off to sleep last night, I spent my time wandering about my ideal guy would be. There is always this pattern which I hadn't really grasp it yet and now I know.

First of all, I always like it when a guy could make me laugh - the laugh-till-my-stomach-hurts laugh - and have fun together (or have fun watching me have fun by myself =p). And.. with that charming humor, I need him to be wise in life; wise enough for me to want to hear it and not thinking him as a wise-ass. But I still need him to value my opinion, and that would probably mean both me and him must have similar way of thinking.

Well.. Anyway, I thought it's important for me to remember that but I may not need it now. Why ever not I need it right now? I don't have any candidates yet, and it's tiring to try and find these qualities within my male friends.

i should be grateful then..

2007-10-19T07:53:00.000+07:00

Umm.. The weather guy has interrupted the channel twice. We may have a tornado warning and we are on the edge of our seats watching storm tracker and me updating East Lansing Weather Forecast website now and then.

This is my first tornado warning! GAAAHH!!! Please God, make it my last in a pleasant way.

this is just in!

2007-10-13T09:33:00.001+07:00

I went googling on Cata's bus tokens and it's said in Wikipedia:

Tokens may be purchased in sets of 10 for US$ 8.50 at various retail outlets around the area.

That would mean that 5 bus tokens are worth US$ 4.25 and we gave him US$ 4.00! Aww.. God bless him. =)

tokens for granted..

2007-10-13T08:53:00.000+07:00

We met a guy on the bus stop at Fandors (or is it Fendors? oh whatever..) and we assumed that he also want to get on the bus - just like us. What he actually did, however, is asking us for a dollar because he needs that one dollar to buy a new pair of glasses and in return he'll give us 4 tokens for the bus. But before that, he asked everyone of us which kind of payment we use to pay the bus fare and neither of us said "We use tokens". Sadly, he wheeled away - he was a disabled person yet he can roam everywhere he likes God bless America for that - and waited for other people who would take his tokens.

After a while and me asking sis about what that man actually wanted, Mom suggested to give him 4 dollars for his 4 tokens (because it usually costs a dollar per bus trip - except when you have these bus tickets called transfers). So I called him and asked him if he need 4 dollars for his 4 tokens and he said yes - he even gave one free token! After that, you could see that he was relieved and really grateful and he also said we were a bunch of nice people and etc. Then off he went to a $1 store to buy his new glasses.

Hmm.. Now that was weird.. Why did he thank us as if we are the nicest people on earth? (I know, I'm just exaggerating but this strengthen my point anyway) Mom, then, explained to me that this country is quite extremely capitalist and it really follows the demand-supply theory they teach you in school. So we were actually being weird to him instead of him being weird to us because a normal American would gladly give only a dollar for those 4 unnecessary tokens. Well, I just think that paying 4 dollars for 4 bus tokens in any situation is common sense anyway and I'm glad we gave him the money he needed. =) Plus, he gave us one extra token.. =p

Now *this* is the kind of experience I've been looking for..

fraternities sororities

2007-10-12T04:12:00.000+07:00

So far I've bought myself a nice new bag, a lipstick with a sexy color, loads of chocolates to give away, Dark Horse comics, body sprays for my Saturday-day-out beloved girlfriends, Emma on DVD (yay!) and um.. I think that's just about it. I've seen the Michigan State University and its trees that are starting to change colors beautifully. I couldn't complain because that would be inappropriate and I've always loved traveling (since Korea, that is =p). But everytime I'm alone, my mind wanders and I don't feel like making the best out of this trip. Not only that, but it's easy to drift away into post-breakup mood.

Oh, and I just have the strangest dream this morning. I met Akihisa and Naret in my dream and guess what, I also met and actually had a decent and fun conversation with my ex's recent girlfriend. It's totally weird. But I'm glad I had those kind of dreams tho' - for no reason at all. And I'm no where near to fulfill this autumn-fling romantic fantasy. I am sure that there are a lot of attractive and lover-potential guys in East Lansing, thanks to MSU, but unfortunately we don't share the same place to hang around. =( Tomorrow, though, I'm planning to watch MSU parade (I haven't seen a parade in my entire life before! GASP!) so maybe I could afford some window-shopping. ;p Oh may God bless me.

a little something in between

2007-10-07T01:22:00.000+07:00

Greetings from Singapore's Changi International Airport!

I am now in the transit lounge waiting for the next flight while having breakfast. It breaks my heart that me and my mother couldn't fast today (yea rite!) because it'll be an exhausting trip and we need all the food and drinks to survive. =p It's 2.25 AM Singapore time right now and we've just checked out from the airport's transit hotel.

Speaking of which, I made a blunder regarding the hotel's check-in time. I've mistakenly assumed that I could check-in 15 minutes after the time I want the room booked (at 8.00 PM) at the latest. But actually..they'd only wait for 60 minutes after my arrival time which was at 4.00 PM. Yyyeeaahh.. So they had to give away my room and gave me one that doesn't have the TV and colder than the room I've booked. But that's okay, no big deal anyway - at least we had somewhere to sleep and take shower.

Because of this mistake, we were worried to check-out late and get another 'penalty' again. Thus, we woke up and checked-out earlier just in case. And my head is itchy and overexcess of oil so because I can't wash my hair so as not to catch a cold. But that's beside the point..

Overall, Changi is verryyy verryyy huuuggeee it's like its own city by itself. I could spend more than one day exploring the airport. I wish I have as much time in my hand right now.. Anyway, my hot chocolate is waiting and I think Mom is trying to get me to drink it before it's cold. Goodbye for now, dear blog. I wish I could transfer some pictures into the free internet computer, but that couldn't be possible.. =(

here comes the next plane..

2007-10-05T21:02:00.000+07:00

I'm going to USA tomorrow and my mother's a bit panic because it's her first time traveling toward outside South East Asia region. I myself am a bit careless because I personally think that overworrying diminishes the enjoyment of traveling. This different attitude between me, her, and Dad (which is the same side as Mom) creates a tinge of tension, which is bad for the atmosphere.

That, and because I won't be home for this year Eid are maybe the reasons why I feel like crying. But maybe there is another reason too.. Me and my ex have exchanged the standard greeting - "Minal Aidin Wal Faizin" (that roughly means "Please forgive me, body and soul, for every mistake I've done") and I felt relieved beyond prediction because that what I've been wanting to say since a month ago. Whoa.. Imagine that, a month of meaning to say that you're sorry and while waiting for the appropriate moment, you only have the courage to express the regret only by action.

Anyway.. it seems that this post is going to a rather sentimental mood. I think I have to stop.

Oh, I forgot to write something! I got a vaccine today so that I would be able to handle the cold from the autumn weather. Wish me not getting cold or sick on this holiday. =p

as the old movie says..

2007-09-19T23:29:00.000+07:00

I gotta be patient. I myself know that to make a relationship works (whether it's romantic, platonic, blood-and-gene-related, etc.), it takes more than my own effort to maintain it. So please, dear me, don't go over-blaming yourself when some things just didn't work out. The only thing you could do is to offer the sincerest and nicest hand and just pray the other person will take it.

And expect nothing in return.

Damn it, that's the hardest part of them all.

the mortality rate of infatuation is higher than that of adoration

2007-09-03T00:25:00.000+07:00

It's pretty clear that I am not as mature as I thought.

I was very agitated when my father insisted to drive me to the opening of my friend's art exhibition. I really wanted to go on my own, because I selfishly did not want to be picked up if I would've rather stay instead. So.. I am not proud to say this, but I did slam the garage lock out of my frustration - which luckily none of parents notice - and finally let my father drive me.

In the car, on the road, my father told me to be perfectly clear to inform him about my plan. I told him back that I didn't tell him because I was planning to go by myself. Misunderstandings then resolved and he said that it's just the way he is; everything must be well-planned. I also said sorry for not telling him anything about my plan. Then he said the most touching thing that made me wanted to cry (or maybe because it's getting near my period); he doesn't have the heart to let me drive at night.

I was instantly ashamed of being such an angry adolescent before! I could argue that I'm a big girl and he doesn't have to worry about a thing, but I know that he won't accept this argument. He is my father and I'm his daughter after all. It's the most natural reason for him wanting to drive me.

How I wish I could get myself a man whose heart is as gentle as my father.. I could picture my husband insisting to drive me, he'd say, "I don't have the heart to let you drive at night! You're my wife, after all."

Yeah.. anyway, it's just a wish. And talking about having a husband, my view about marriage has shifted. I once thought that it is better to have a marriage by love and I wanted that for me too. I envisioned me and my boyfriend to be head over heels over each other when we would decide to get married. Now I think that a set-up marriage is not so bad.. and if I'm not so deeply in love with my future husband, at least he cares a lot about me and I can bear his flaws and weaknesses. I even once doubted myself whether I need a marriage in my life or not. Sounds like Oprah, right? =p

Nevertheless, I have always wanted to have grandchildren (yes, grandchildren and not children). So not getting married is out of the options, but getting married is not one of the top 10 priorities in my life anymore.

attraversiamo!

2007-09-01T17:13:00.000+07:00

Unlike any given Saturday, my two uncles and my aunt came and gave my father the inheritance of my deceased aunt. Then the elder uncle told my dad something I have never guessed in my entire life; that he saw my deceased grandfather (their father) everytime he prayed for these past two weeks. He took it as a sign that he must do something about the remaining inheritance. He told the story with visual detail and I think I was the only family member who was surprised to hear that. Though my mother had once said to me that my father could see 'things' we couldn't see, I didn't thought other relatives would have the same ability.

Anyway, the conversation carried on to our family-tree. This uncle of mine, the elder one, seemed to have tracking down our family root since his retirement. He does a good job on that. He is tracking the family root down into ... mmm ... the age of dynasties in Indonesia. He also pointed out some royal name and I got a hint that maybe - just maybe - we actually have a Javanese noble bloodline. Wow.. This is a huge discovery!

But anyway, I honestly don't have the feature of a royal bloodline child, nor even my relatives in the same generation. Noble bloodline people usually have this air of arrogance and beauty and their physical characteristics show this. That's why I'm so surprised! In fact, we have these down-to-earth common people look, which is more interesting to me. That would mean we're a bunch of paradoxes, don't you think?

cheshire cat's mischievous grin

2007-07-20T23:41:00.000+07:00

Have you ever felt that sometimes you have to carry the burden by yourself? Sure, you've got your friends you can talk to but still they won't feel the same thing that you feel. In fact, you doubt that they can give you the reassurance you want them to give. It's not that you don't trust them. It's just that you can't handle their reactions; you know perfectly well how they would react and none of them would swallow and laugh at the madness that you've just experienced. Yes, you just want them to look at it as funny as you think it is. You don't need them to sympathize or label you as silly. You need them to laugh with or at you, cause you have been stronger than before and are able to handle this by yourself.

So laugh, then. It all has been a brilliant comical entertainment. You have been a good sport.

Police car with a screaming siren
Pneumatic drill on ripped-up concrete
Baby wails, a stray dog howling
Brakes screech as lamp light blinking

That's Entertainment
That's Entertainment

Smash of glass and a rumble of boots
Electric train and a ripped up phone booth
A hot day and a sticky black tarmac
A hot day and I'm wishing I was far away

That's Entertainment
That's Entertainment
La, la, la
La, la, la

Days of speed and a slow time Mondays
Wake up at 6 AM and think about your holidays
Open window and breathe in petrol
Cold flat with damp on the walls

Yes, That's Entertainment
That's Entertainment
La, la, la
La, la, la
La, la, la
La, la, la

Two lovers kissing over screams of midnight
Two lovers miss the tranquility of solitude
Read grafitti of slash-seat affairs
Splattered walls and a kick in the balls

Is all that you get - in the name of entertainment
La, la, la

-- Morrissey, That's Entertainment

*entertainment indeed..

gleefully gloating by a tall vanilla capuccino

2007-07-14T22:30:00.000+07:00

huhuhuhahahaha..

Setelah melalui asap yg disemprot berkali2, monitor yg acakadut, dan kesumbangan suara, selembar cepeban mendarat kembali ke tangan saya. Terimakasih terimakasih..

Terimakasih juga kepada seorang pegawai Starbucks Ciwalk yg agak terlalu ramah sama gw malam ini. Hehehe.. Udah lama rasanya ga di'ramah'in cowo yg menurut gw sndiri cukup pantas di'ramah'in balik. =p I do hope he would be as nice as he is tonight when someday he'll see me with my everyday t-shirts and jeans and no make-up. hehehehe.. lalalala

Eh eh..
Gw baru saja melakukan suatu hal yg mungkin akan dianggap freak. Gw ngeadd sebongkah masa lalunya masa lalu seseorg. Hahahaha.. Oh well, who cares if I really look freaky anyway? Maybe this sudden burst of madness will turn out to be fun..

i am currently applying to..

2007-07-13T00:11:00.000+07:00

It's almost the end of the semester and my final project is still stagnant. There are, of course, few developments a little here and there but I really haven't made anything significant. And it really STRESS ME OUT I-can-snap-and-kill-you-all everytime someone makes a fuss about his/her final project when he/she has only revisions or conclusion left to do (which means they've finished all the goddamn difficult chapters).

Eniweii..
Gw harus kerja dulu 2-3 tahun seblom bisa apply ke UNESCO. Yes, UNESCO as in United Nation's Educational, Scientific and Cultural Organization. Siapa sangka cita2 gw skarang dan cita2 gw pas SD-SMP bisa sama? Sekarang mari kita berdoa saja 2-3 tahun itu bisa gw habiskan di L'Oreal. Hahaha.. Amin.

Argh, harus beresin TA dulu berarti.

biding my time

2007-07-10T23:10:00.000+07:00

-mood-
I got so unbelievably snappy today, gara2 sumber masalah yg sudah jelas bentuk dan rupanya dan memiliki nama Tugas Akhir. Sbtulnya yg jd sumber masalah sih gw, hehe.. tapi kan yg bikin gw bermasalah ya TA. =p Mungkin jg karna gw mengawali hari ini dengan pikiran bahwa, tugas2 gw tuh ga ada berhentinya dan gw merasa gw ga punya waktu bwt diri gw sendiri. Kalo ga TA, ngurusin reuni akbar, abis itu, mikirin band gw.

Coba, kapan terakhir kalinya gw joget2 sendiri ala rockstar atau dancer di kamar? Atau mandi tanpa mikirin apa2 kecuali ritual mandi itu sendiri?

Ya tapi kalo dipikir2 lagi sih, pikiran gw masih cupuuuuuu dalam jumlah dan kualitas daripada pikiran2 nyokap gw. Bayangin, kemaren malem aja nyokap (yg pikirannya nambah karna kuliah lg) msh mampu ngebetulin draft TA gw sedangkan gw udah ngantuk2 ayam (padahal gw blm kerja dan baru S1 cuy). Tuh, dari stamina aja gw udah kalah jauh. Haiyaa.. payaahnya gw.

-gossip!-
Aaaaanihhooyyy... gw denger brita cukup mengejutkan hari ini. Temen gw yg memiliki gen 'laku' ternyata udah putus sama mantannya (ya iya laaahhh..) yg udh pacaran sejak dulu kala masa kisah kasih di sekolah negeri 3 bandung. Sekarang dia udh jadian lagi (!) sama .. eng ing eng .. bekas kecengan gw kelas 3 SMA (!!) yg juga cukup laku dan jg udh pacaran lllaaammmaa sblmnya sejak jaman batu alias SMP.

Teman gw sungguh beruntung. Bener kata tmn gw yg satu lg, temen gw ini hidupnya amat sgt mudah. Gw jadi pny hipotesis, sbtlnya 'keberuntungan' itu wujudnya gen dan sifatnya warisan. Tapi bokap nyokap dan kakak gw cukup beruntung, mnurut gw.. Jadi, bisa berarti hipotesis gw salah atau gw tidak mewarisi gen 'keberuntungan' tersebut.

-a penny for my thought?-
Sblm nulis blog, gw mengingat2 diri gw yg dulu.. Tampaknya gw tuh sudah melakukan banyak hal2 yg salah dan kalo diinget2 lagi, gw malu gw pernah melakukan hal2 tsb. Mungkin jalan gw yg lg gw jalanin sekarang tuh emang udah paling bener. Karna suatu kejadian yg tdk menyenangkan, dan beberapa kejadian2 yg mengikuti, gw skrg udah ga di posisi gw di masa lalu. Siapa sangka org yg menurut lo bisa membuat lo jadi lebih baik, malah bikin lo jadi org yg ga lebih baik dan parahnya, jadi org yg lebih jahat.

Hmm.. Yaa.. Mungkin pada dasarnya, emang ga ada orang yang bikin kita jd lebih baik atau lebih buruk. Karena sebetulnya kita sendiri lah yg paling menentukan. Gitu kali ya?

reveal everything there is to know

2007-07-08T17:42:00.000+07:00

Today's my first recording session!! hahaha..

HAHAHAHA!!

Enihoy, rasanya aneh mendengar suara sendiri dialunkan di studio. Pertama kalinya gw menapakkan kaki di studio, jantung rasanya udh copot (bkn mw copot lg..). Yah, namanya jg msh amatir.. Untung cuma backing vocal, jd rada cepet deh.

*idon'tcareifisoundlikeashowoffbum,imjustthrilledtotheverycoreofmybone

too much indulging on self-worth

2007-04-26T23:34:00.000+07:00

Never Date a Leo

Dramatic, egotistical, and emotional - a Leo is way too high maintenance for you!
And forget about a quick fling with an alluring Leo. It's either everything or nothing with this sign!

Instead try dating: Virgo, Capricorn, Pisces, or Cancer

What Sign Shouldn't You Date?

Your True Birth Month Is January

Loyal
Social
Logical
Easily jealous
Loves children
Rather reserved
Highly attentive
Likes to criticize
Needs close friends
Ambitious and serious
Smart, neat and organized
Hardworking and productive
Loves to teach and be taught
Quiet unless excited or tensed
Sensitive and has deep thoughts
Knows how to make others happy
Searches for the greatest romance
Resistant to illnesses but prone to colds
Romantic but has difficulties expressing love
Always looking at people's flaws and weaknesses

What's Your True Birth Month?

People Envy Your Generosity

You're a giving soul, and you'd do almost anything for those you love. And they'd do anything for you!
People may envy how giving you are, but more than anything, they envy those you open your heart to.

What Do People Envy About You?

You Are Designer Panties

You demand the best, from head to toe.
And your panties have to be pure couture, for your own luxury.
Men feel like you're a worthy challenge, though you can be difficult to catch.
You exude a polished, sexy vibe that tends to attract confident men.

What Kind of Panties Are You?

Slow and Steady

Your friends see you as painstaking and fussy.

They see you as very cautious, extremely careful, a slow and steady plodder.

It'd really surprise them if you ever did something impulsively or on the spur of the moment.

They expect you to examine everything carefully from every angle and then usually decide against it.

How Do People See You?

Your Personality is Somewhat Rare (ISFP)

Your personality type is caring, peaceful, artistic, and calm.

Only about 7% of all people have your personality, including 8% of all women and 6% of all men
You are Introverted, Sensing, Feeling, and Perceiving.

How Rare Is Your Personality?

Capricorn - Your Love Profile

Your positive traits:

You are serious about relationships and ready for a commitment.
You tend to help your partner attain the success they dream of.
You are a rock. Relationship problems don't seem to phase you.

Your negative traits:

Sometimes it's very hard for you to accept your partner's past.
You are emotionally reserved, and difficult to connect with.
You expect your partner to take care of you - and make cheat if they do not

Your ideal partner:

Is incredibly powerful and well respected.
Is often older than you - and could be a superior at work.
Has a good amount of money... or the ability to be rich someday.

Your dating style:

Practical. A "get to know each other" coffee date is just fine by you.

Your seduction style:

Bossy - you like to be the one in charge in the bedroom.
Slow and patient. You know that good sex takes time.
Calculating. You'll use sex to get ahead, if necessary.

Tips for the future:

Open up. A little emotional expression is a good thing in relationships.
Leap before you look. You don't have to run a cost benefit sheet on everyone you date.
Enjoy the now. No need to worry about marriage on the first few dates.

Best color to attract mate: Dark green

Best day for a date: Saturday

What's Your Love Profile?

You are 60% Capricorn

How Capricorn Are You?

Your Leprechaun Name Is:

Sniffles O'Gold

What's Your Leprechaun Name?

You Are A Friendly Ex

You and your ex are just friends - great friends really.
(At least that's what you keep telling yourself!)
While civility is a good thing, make sure you're not secretly wanting more...

What Type of Ex Are You?

ah dasar cowo..

2007-02-16T08:51:00.000+07:00

semuanya sama aja!

dasar busuk
dasar busuk
dasar busuk
dasar busuk
dasar busuk
dasar busuk
dasar busuk
dasar busuk
dasar busuk
dasar busuk
dasar busuk
dasar busuk
dasar busuk
dasar busuk
dasar busuk
dasar busuk
dasar busuk
dasar busuk
dasar busuk
dasar busuk
dasar busuk
dasar busuk
dasar busuk
dasar busuk

you found one once, you'll one again

2007-01-23T21:46:00.000+07:00

..hmm..

Gw agak2 lupa mau nulis apa but anywaayyy.. I'm getting better everyday, all thanks to this book. It gave me ideas what to do post-breakup and everytime I spaced out and started thinking about him, I read that book. Hahaha.. Yes, sebagai orang yg sering dimintain pendapatnya, gw harus mengakui gw ga tau caranya ngehandle breakup. Sebetulnya isi buku itu cukup logis sih, ga harus jadi jenius untuk mengetahuinya. Tapi penyampaiannya bagus banget, it put me back to reality and at the same it comforted me. Oh, dan bedanya sama buku2 panduan putus lainnya, buku ini ga sepenuhnya ngjelek2in mantan pacar.

..hmm..

Yeah well, breakup sucks hard.. Kata nyokap, hari2 pertama stlah putus gw terlihat lebih hitam dan kusam padahal jelas2 gw ga berjemur dan Bandung udah sering mendung dan hujan lagi. Dan keliatannya gw kayak orang sakit (atau abis sakit). Sekarang sih, menurut beliau, gw udah lebih mending dan tampaknya udah lebih lega. Amiinn..

Oh yaaa!!! Gw akhirnya mendapatkan visa tersusah di dunia!! VISA AMERIKA!!! Ohohoho.. Ternyata setelah kesialan demi kesialan di waktu lalu, gw langsung dapet that bloody visa sekali coba. Walau gw sempet ragu bakal beneran jadi pergi karena watir ama bokap, tapi akhirnya gw pikir bahwa gw pantas mendapatkan perjalanan 2 minggu ke Amerika itu. Setelah 3 tahun terkucilkan dari pergaulan normal, gw berhak dapet kebebasan ini.

i have to stay away, i'm causing too much pain

2007-01-18T22:14:00.000+07:00

Yesterday I went to Jakarta with my J-town friends and as I gazed out through the window something existed again in my chest..

It was the longing for home.

I have always loved Bandung as my hometown. But for the past eleven months somehow I managed to convince myself that Jakarta would be another home to me. Thus, there hadn't been any sense of loss everytime I went there.

And just yesterday - as Monday's incident creeping on my mind - I had to stop myself from crying as realization hit. I now feel homeless here..

..because I just lost the only person who makes me feels like home everywhere he goes.

oh dear me..

2006-12-24T19:53:00.000+07:00

Now..you finally find your own fluffy cloud. Good. But please be reminded this; your cloud will only lasts for some period of time. Then you will have to survive the sky yourself.

Sometimes you'll experience the thrill of wind rushing by and take you up to seventh heaven. It's exciting, yes I know. Just make sure that you won't run out of oxygen due to the air pressure.

The sky won't provide you eternal sunshine either. It's nice to know (and have faith) that there will be sunny bright blue carpet along the way. But rain and thunder have minds of their own and they won't ask for permission to greet you occasionally. Or maybe all the time, if you have some different electrostatic with one of them (*sigh*, opposite do attracts).

How about safe landing? Well.. I don't have enough experience in that area. Perhaps I could only tell you this; before you ever burn your wings, you better land immediately if you never like the idea of free fall. It'll take a long time to ever fly again.

Safe trip, dear.

misery took the wind out of me

2006-09-28T17:14:00.000+07:00

look at us dancing to the rhythm of uncertainty
how can you put so much confidence on us?
forgiving took form as a necessity
and come patience as its compliment

oh how i live in such poverty
assurance is impossible to be bought
and could you give me a nickle or dime
it takes a lot of pennies for your thought

or let me hang on to something i can't see
and tell me "bear with everything that'll be"
that it'll be alright in the end
no matter how hurt i bend

oh we selfish pricks
playing games of righteous tricks
thin will be our sensitivity
and low will be our charity

not-so-tragic story

2006-09-05T02:54:00.000+07:00

Nada mengalun riang..
Hiruk begitu senang
Bahagia sedang disebar
kepada semua insan

Dan lelaki itu pun menari..
di bawah bayangan bulan
beratap malam cerah
tanpa alas kaki

Aku, yang di jendela..
menatapnya sepenuh hati
berharap bisa turun
mengajaknya berdansa

Kurentang tanganku..
kujulurkan kakiku
namun yang kuasa
menarikku ke dalam

Sekarang yang terasa..
kesempatan telah tiada
suara yang didamba
gagal menjadi nyata

Aku, yang di jendela..
berharap bisa
pergi ke lain jendela

headache on thursday

2006-08-03T14:58:00.000+07:00

Aduh, kepala saya pening sekali.. Mata saya juga sakit.. Ini semua gara2 gw nangis hebat kemaren malam.

Kayaknya gw sekarang mulai develop habit nangis sebulan sekali atau setidaknya setiap gw mw/lagi/stlah dapet. Tapi alhamdulillah gw udah jarang sakit perut tiap dapet. Apakah ini kompensasi emosional atas kesehatan fisik gw ya? Ntah lah, tapi sungguh gw lebih milih sakit perut dari harus nangis berliter2 air tanpa musabab yg jelas. Separah apa kah? Kalo gw casting sinetron drama, gw pasti lolos sebagai pemeran protagonis yg disiksa terus menerus. Separah itu.

Kakak gw, yg tadi bangunin gw dan mendapati gw udah berlinang air mata lagi, bilang bahwa sebaiknya gw memeriksakan diri ke psikiater.

PSIKIATER??!!!

"Iya Yu, mungkin kamu depresi."

DEPRESIII??!!!

Oh sungguh sapaan pagi yang luar biasa.

Lagian kenapa gw harus depresi coba? Memang sih, liburan ini gw masih ada setumpuk kerjaan, tapi kan kuliah udah libur. Dan gw tau jelas skali klo gw udah depresi; males tidur. Nah, udah aneh kan klo kyk gitu. Mana ada org yg males tidur? Jadi ada apa dengan saya dong? Duh..bingung bingung bingung.

stlah UAS (United Americans of State..hah?)

2006-07-24T10:23:00.000+07:00

..dan teman2 saya pada ribut diskusi. Yahahahaha..

Stlah gw kehilangan point 10% akibat telat mengumpulkan esai, gw berniat mengebut nilai di UAS ini biar nilai matkul Ekonomi gw bisa A. Tapi stlah UAS, tampaknya gw harus siap2 liat nilai B. Hm, jadi inget kata dosen wali gw..

"Yu, IP kamu selalu kepentok satu B ya?"

Iya Pak. Ntah kenapa gw slalu hampir straight As tiap semester, tapi apa daya manusia hanya bisa berusaha dan hanya Allah (dan dosen) yang menentukan. Jadi saja gw punya IP yang tinggal ngesot dikit bisa 4. Argh, knapa knapa knapaaaa??

Enihoy, ngomong2 tentang Allah dan agama, gw jadi inget Didit yg sedang umroh di UAE (Ujian Akhir Emester). Tampaknya beliau menjadi sangat rohaniah sekali.. dan khawatir skali pas gw cerita gw mimisan dan meler umbel kuning pas lagi ngerjain UAS (beneran Dit, itu tandanya aku udah mw sembuh). Duh, aku jadi maluu.. "Kamu ga malu ama Didit gitu kamu ga pinter ngaji (dan jarang beribadah..)?" kata ibuku. Hwaaa.. Iya sih, tapi trus gw bilang, "Eh justru bagus buat Didit kan Bu. Dia dapet pahala buat ngebimbing Ayu jadi wanita sholeh".

Ya, wanita sholeh yg akhir2 ini sering mimpi mesum.. Hhh.. I'm hopeless..

4 hours separated..

2006-07-20T20:29:00.000+07:00

Alhamdulillah sodara2, si penulis blog review ini udah mendarat nan jauh di negeri Arab hari ini tepat pukul dua pagi untuk melaksanakan umroh. Ada yg mw nitip doa? Hehe..

Enihoy, bsk ada bazaar Artepolis di Aula Barat ITB. Tampaknya seru. Jadi pnasaran..

Aduh, ada apa dgn gw? Kok ga bisa nulis?? Argh, maybe it's the flu. Yep, seharian penuh ini gw dirawat inap di rumah dan selayaknya orang yang lg sakit, kerjaan gw cuma makan-minum obat-nunggu makanan turun-tidur. Bayangkan, gimana gw mw ngurangin berat badan? Walau ga selera jg, gw tetep makan dgn porsi biasa. Atau..siapa tau meler dan batuk bisa menyalurkan lemak keluar tubuh? Not. But I wish it was true tho'.

Eh, ternyata bisa lancar nulis juga.. Hebat.. Mm, nulis apa lg ya?

Oiya, Senin depan gw UAS. Seharusnya gw mulai belajar dari sekarang, atau belajar brg temen2 gw. Mari kita berdoa sakit gw segera hilang..atau gw hrs mengandalkan belas kasihan temen2 gw dan keberuntungan gw selama UAS berlangsung.

rocker apa?

2006-07-12T15:49:00.000+07:00

You Are an Indie Rocker!

You are in it for the love of the music...
And you couldn't care less about being signed by a big label.
You're all about loving and supporting music - not commercial success.
You may not have the fame and glory, but you have complete control of your career.

What Kind of Rocker Are You?

malam senin dan senin pagi..

2006-07-10T08:20:00.000+07:00

Malam senin,

Jreng! Dan handphone gw pun bernyanyi Pickpocket-nya At The Drive-In. Ternyata Ratih, yg nyuruh gw supaya cepet2 liat STV. Jreng lagi, sodara2! Ternyata ada Vincent Vega di Ziggy Wiggy sedang diwawancara. Waw.. wawawawawaw.. Sambil memandang takjub, this line went to my head,

OMIGAWD!! GW TEMENAN AMA ARTIS!! Hahahahahaha...

Sombong ya? Hehe.. Well, itu cuma ungkapan perasaan seneng gw ngliat senior2 gw baik di SMA 3, ITB dan Apres udah seterkenal itu. Dulu ga kebayang deh mereka bakal masuk tipi dan diwawancara..until they got into LA Lights Indiefest.

Senin pagi,

Prrriiittt!! Dan gw ternganga ngeliat Zidane nyundul Materazzi. Wow, Zidane bisa gitu? Man, you just lose the golden ball award.. Kata kaka gw sih, itu gara2 si Materazzi ngomong aneh2 ama Zidane. Dan sampailah kita ke babak penalti..

Honestly, gw pikir Itali sama Perancis sama2 juara kalo udah masuk babak penalti. Ga masalah siapa yg lebih banyak masukin penalti dan akhirnya menang. Toh mereka udah berjuang 90 menit lebih + 15 menit lebih + 15 menit lebih lagi dan berhasil mempertahankan skor 1-1 walaupun mereka udah cape. Apa ga juara tuh namanya?

Tapi... gw lega banget bgitu Itali menang.. I waited for 8 damned long years to see them like it is. Hore hore..

the adventure of the mighty little chipmunk (part 1)

2006-07-09T15:45:00.000+07:00

Friday, July 8th 2006.

Setelah gw selesei nulis post yg sblm ini, gw cabut ke Ciwidey ama tmen2 kelas gw. Yap, tepatnya ke Kampung Kuta Mekar di mana profit perusahaan kelas 2-C akan dihamburkan.. ups, disumbangkan maksutnya. Rencananya kita berangkat jam 8 dari SBM, tapppiiiii... bukan anak SBM namanya kalo ga ada yg telat. Ugh.. Jadinya gw, Andien, supir gw dan 2 ahli infrastruktur pun berangkat duluan bersama 2 temen gw lainnya meninggalkan Adit, sang ketua Community Service, yang nungguin anak2 2-C lainnya.

Gw kira Kuta Mekar ada di bagian Ciwidey yg ga gw tau. Eh ternyata ternyata, berjudi itu haram, dan Kuta Mekar itu deket bgt ama tempat gw training sblum msk SBM. Trauma2 lama akan training pun mulai menampakkan dirinya.. Hehe, ga deng. Jadi, buat masuk ke Kuta Mekar kita harus lewat Jl. Gambung dan masuk gang kecil. Wah, jalannya off-road skali. Gw sempet khawatir ama Taruna tercinta gw tapi untungnya dia kuat sekali dan irit bensin. Wa, makin cinta deh..

Nah, nyampe Kuta Mekar, rombongan dibagi jadi 2. Yang satu ke RT yg perlu MCK, yg satu lg yg kekurangan air dan perlu sambungan saluran air dari kampung sebelahnya. Gw, Andien, Taufan dan seorg tenaga ahli pergi ke RT yg perlu air ini. Oh iya, ternyata tenaga ahli yg brg gw ini mantan SMA 3 jg. Wah wah.. Ga jauh2 jg ya.. Enihoy, di daerah tsb ternyata bnyk bgt anjing, sodara2. Ada yg galak, ada yg cuma ngikutin. Yang pasti Andien takut bgt ngeliat anjing2 ini, sampe2 bikin gw takut jg tapi pura2 ga takut. =p

Kita pun jalan dari daerah ini sampe ke kampung sebelah, yg berlimpah airnya tp sangat pelit skali sama tetangganya. Perbedaannya kliatan bgt dr rumah2nya. Rumah2 di Kuta Mekar cuma beranyam bambu, tapi tetangganya justru udah berbatu bata. Huuu, dasar kohed (dan kambria..hahaha). Di teritorial kampung tetangga, kita ngeliat2 kemungkinan2 rencana pembuatan saluran air. Liat2an itu beres pas mau shalat Jum'at. Pas cowo2 pada shalat, gw ama Andien berpiknik di Taruna tercinta sambil curhat2an tentang cowo masing2. Eh, terus ibu RT-nya nyamperin kita dan bilang gini pas salaman ama gw,
"Aduh, meni cantik-cantik ya Neng.."
Ahahahahaha, Ibu bisa aja.. Ihiy..

Kita disuruh ke rumahnya aja, tapi kita bilang kita udah janji ama yg lain bakal nunggu di mobil. Lagipula, sapa yg bakal jagain Taruna cintaku ini klo gw turun? Selesei sholat Jum'at kita pergi ke rumah Pak RT. Nah, pas mau masuk, Andien berusaha ngejaga jarak dari anjing yg lg duduk di pekarangan. Eh tapi dia ga nyadar gitu klo dia hampir face-to-face ama sapi. Dia baru nyadar, dan kaget, pas sapinya melenguh. Hihihihihi.. Andien, baso ikanku, jgn nyosor sapi dong kalo lg kangen ama Gilang. =p

Sampe di rumah Pak RT, kita rapatin rencana bikin saluran air tsb. Kita disuguhin pisang sesisir (sumpah, banyak bet..), keripik homemade dan aer putih. Pas mau pergi ke daerah yg satu lg, gara2 Taufan bilang pisang dan keripiknya enak, jadinya warga2 di sana pada nawarin dua makanan itu untuk dibawa pulang. Dan di sendal gw tiba2 ada bercak darah. Kata Andien, kayaknya itu darah salah satu anjing yg sempet berantem di bawah rumah Pak RT (rumahnya rumah panggung-red). Waduh..

Nyampe di daerah yg perlu MCK, kita parkir di tempat pesantren. Tapi yg lain ko pada ga ada yaa? Eh ternyata ternyata, berzina itu lebih haram lagi, dan rombongan yg lain lg pada di rumah Pak RT yg baru saja selesei memerah sapi. Wooow.. Yap, tebakan Anda betul, kita disuguhin susu hangat fresh from the cow sambil ngobrolin apa aja yg perlu dibeli di saung yg anginnya sepoi2. Aah, maybe this is what heaven feels like..

Gw pun melihat jam.. ACK!! Udah jam stengah 3 rupanya!! Gw hrs buru2 pulang nih karena gw les dansa jam stengah 6. Tapi gw msh harus ke toko bangunan dulu!! Buset..aku tertipu lagi..wouwow.. Ya gapapa lah pasti keburu toh cuman beli material doang, pikir gw. Dan gw salah. Ternyata belanja material bangunan juga makan waktu cukup lama. Itu pun kita masih harus belanja di toko bangunan yg lain. Itupun cuman mobil gw yg balik lg ke Bandung dr rombongan itu. Itupun tenaga ahlinya juga mau ikut pulang dan perlu ngasih saran selama beli bahan bangunan. Jam stengah 4, mulut saya sudah maju dan tertekuk ke bawah..

Untungnya pas jam 4, segala belanja itu pun selesai dan kita pun pulang dengan kecepatan tinggi. Oh saya horor sekaliii.. tapi tidak sehoror keesokan harinya. Pas nyampe Kopo, kita bisa tidur karena jalanan macet dan ga mungkin supir gw ngebut. =p Alhamdulillah, gw ga telat2 amat pas nyampe tempat les dansa gw. Gw terpaksa turun duluan di tempat les dan nyuruh supir gw nganterin penumpang yg lain di SBM. Hehe.. Dan aduh busetnyah, saya semaput stlah les dansa. Cape bangeddd.. dan gw msh harus siap2 buat ke Jakarta besoknya buat ketemu..

(to be continued..)

non ci capiamo, no?

2006-07-07T07:34:00.000+07:00

Dan bgitulah..

The way we talked the night before wasn't getting us anywhere.
We kept talking the same thing over and over again.
And eventhough you said that you understood and everything's allright,
and eventhough I said that I trusted you and I apologized,
I felt that neither of us got a satisfying answer.

Am I right? Or am I not?

So let me recount every story I've got to tell if you're still not satisfied.

I did not intend to scare you, that's for sure.
The way I reacted during the last days was stupid and merely emotional.
It was because a month still is a long time for me,
eventhough you can pass it and be amaze of how fast time goes by.
You got that? It's a hell of a long time for me.
I don't expect you to feel the same way (I know you won't..)
and I won't beg you to come here sooner
but at least please understand that this is really hard for me.

God, here I am crying again..

This uneasiness I felt made me really sad so maybe that's why I scared you
because I don't want you to see me sad.
You see, it's easier to vent your emotion through anger.
Yes, it was foolish though.. I plead guilty..
I am trully sorry.

Okay, so maybe this will take a few days for me to cope
and I assure you that a week from now, at the latest,
I won't be such a cry-baby anymore.
I can't be certain that I'll succeed though
but at least appreciate me for trying, okay?

One more thing, about me not trusting you,
remember when we weren't hooked up yet?
And you said that you were not sure about us
because you thought I was better off with someone else?
Yes, that was when I felt what you feel right now.
I know this is different now because we already got each other
..it's just that..
..I don't know..
I think I just have to trust you.
You might say that I shouldn't sweat it.
But I want to,
or we'll always have go through this hellish situation again.

Ya bgitulah..
-our favourite sentence-

mamma mia mamma mia let me go

2006-07-04T12:34:00.000+07:00

I don't know what I'll do without her..

Siapa lg klo bkn nyokap gw? PMS gw yg udah raib stlah gw dapet, tiba2 dateng lg pas kemaren gw dan cowo gw ngobrolin sesuatu. Bedanya, PMS yg ini emg berdasarkan perasaan gw. Hehe.. Jadi, gw memutuskan untuk nyari solusi bwt PMS gw ini. Pas nyampe kampus, gw udah dpt solusinya sih dan gw pgn ngomongin itu ama cowo gw. Tapi gw ga gitu yakin keputusan gw tepat sehingga gw bertanya pada teman2 tercinta yg memiliki pengalaman bercinta (= pacaran).

Menurut soon-to-be birthday girl, Ratih, mending gw ga lakuin solusi itu karna akan membuat cowo gw ga enak. Lebih baik klo gw ngomonginnya saat masa itu telah berlalu (puitis edan gitu bahasanya..). Tapi gw pikir2 lg, kyknya gw bkl kebeban bgt klo gw ga ngomongin ini. Apalg si hitam manis tkg creambath itu udh bilang klo ada apa2 gw hrs cerita. Jadi kt Ratih, terserah gw. Nah, karna blom mantep jg, gw pun bertanya pada Andien (yg trnyata se-SMP ama Didit. what a coincidence..).

Beda lg kata Andien. Kata baso ikan itu, gw justru hrs ngasitau Didit dan ngelarang. Orang bisa khilaf, apalagi klo biasa ketemu. Tapi gw pikir2 lg, masa iya gw ngelarang cowo gw buat ketemu temennya? Dan kok kesannya gw ga percaya bgt ama cowo gw? Emang sih gw susah percaya ama org, tapi gw pgn percaya ama cowo gw. Gw jg ga mau ngekang cowo gw lah.. Jadi, akhirnya, saya pun berpaling kepada sumber paling terpercaya..

Bukan, bukan nyokap Didit.. =p Emang sumber paling terpercaya sih, tapi masa iya gw curhat soal anaknya sendiri? Hihihihi..

Yap, nyokap gw. Gw pun ngesms ibunda gw tercinta dan bertanya apakah beliau lg istirahat. Eh untungnya nyokap lg istirahat dan beliau pun bertanya kabar ibunda tercintanya Didit. Gw bales dan gw pun blg gw pgn curhat. Nah, pas gw lg mw nulis sms curhatan gw, wawawawawaw.. nyokap gw nelpon! Ah ibu, jd tak enak diriku ditelpon jauh2 dr Bontang hny bwt dengerin curhat gw (wae..). Yah, trus akhirnya gw curhat deh dan ternyata solusi yg ibunda tercinta pun sama aja ama pny gw. Beliau jg yakinin gw klo yg gw putusin tepat dan bahwa Didit pasti mau ngerti. Begitu telpon ditutup, hati gw legaaaaaa bangeeeeetttttt dan kebingungan gw pun lsg ilang.

Emang nyokap gw the best.. =D
..dan gw yakin nyokap kalian juga. =)

whatever happened to my rock n roll

2006-07-03T13:14:00.000+07:00

Hay hay blog manisku, lama tidak berjumpa..

Hari ini, tepatnya 3 Juli 2006, sewaktu gw mw duduk dpan komputer, temen sblah gw bertanya "Yu, bentar lagi Ratih ultah ya?".
Sesaat gw tercengo dan berusaha mengingat2..'bener ga ya ratih bentar lg ultah?' dan akhirnya gw ingat, "Oiya, Cil. Bentar lg dia ultah." Untung temen gw ga nanya kapan ultah Ratih, karena gw lupa kapan temen baek gw itu ultah. Hehe.. Maaf Tih. Tapi akhirnya gw inget kok. It's July 5th, the day after tomorrow. Dan tanggal 4-nya, temen gw di Apres juga ultah.

Kenapa gw bisa lupa, sodara2?

Karena gw terlalu mematri di kepala bahwa tanggal 5 Juni ini, si gitaris ompong yang ngakunya metal tp creambath jg itu pulang ke ibukotanya tercinta untuk sebulan. Ya, sebulan. Sebulan saya ditinggal single di Bandung..hiks. Dan karena gw taunya pas gw lg PMS, gw banjir air mata gara2 diinduksi. Ah, sial.. Tapi tenang saja, brother and sister, soalnya gw skarang udah dapet dan tabungan air mata gw tlah berkredit.

Enihoy, gw udh males SP bgt. Yes, this complaint has no end.. Like I've said in my profile, I am SO dying to get over this sophomore year and that means to get over this summer course also. Mood gw ama tmn2 udah pgn liburan bgt. Bahkan mood Bandung pun udh liburan bgt. Terbukti dgn penuhnya kebon binatang di luar Sabtu dan Minggu. Huh.. Gw juga yakin sbtulnya mood dosen2 gw jg udah pgn liburan. Anak2 mereka kan pasti udah libur juga tuh. Uh..

Ya demi lulus cepet juga sih.. Hanya saja gw msh blom yakin bahwa lulus cepet itu jalan terbaik buat gw..

Jadi buat kalian yg udah liburan, you're so goddamn lucky. Selamat liburan, semoga menyenangkan dan puas. Amin.. Saya cabut dulu, karna gitaris tersayang saya udh menunggu makan siang. Dadah..

just intentionally spaced myself out

2006-06-03T19:15:00.000+07:00

Huehehe.. It's Saturday night and I ain't got no fever. But instead of sitting in the living room, here I am sitting in my mother's office. Nope, bkn karna nyokap gw lembur dan gw kudu nemenin, tapi.. mahasiswa2 nyokap lg ngadain malam keakraban dan berhubung I will either bore myself to death or get eye tumor from staring at the computer screen for too damn long, jadi gw ikut deh. Because of that reason, and there will be nice food to eat.. (which turned out that it was below expectation).

Nah, brhubung ga banyak org yg gw knal, musiknya jg bkn musik tipe gw dan gw jg cengo di halaman (tempat makrab tsb. diadakan), gw pun kabur ke kamar kantor nyokap. And yes, writing on this blog could increase the possibility of eye tumor but I don't care. Lagi hari pertama sih, jadi males bersosialisasi ama org2. Yep, yep, let's blame it on those hormones.

Hmm.. Sabtu ya? Brarti lusa gw udah kuliah lagi. Oh, woe is me.. Sementara yg lain asik liburan, gw dan anak2 SBM yg lain udah sibuk kuliah lg. Sbtulnya klo mw jujur, mending gw lulusnya bareng ama temen2 gw dr jurusan lain lho. Emang btul gw yg msh muda namun udh sarjana punya competitive advantage dibanding temen2 lain. Tapi prediksi gw ya, gw justru ga punya competitive advantage dibanding org2 lain yg lulusnya tahun 2007 juga. Knapa? Yah, org2 Indonesia msh menganggap luhur umur sih. Jadi.. bisa jadi gw ama temen2 SBM gw yg lain malah dianggap overrated dan unreliable.

Btulkah? I don't know. It's just a guess..

Kalo itu kejadian, kayaknya nanggung banget nyelesein kuliah 3 tahun. Sekolah lagi, udah eneg ama kuliah yang injak pedal dalam ini hidupku (courtesy of Seringai). Kalo kerja, paling kerja.. buruh. Hahahaha.. Ga lah, males banget. Jadi barrista Starbucks atau tempat kopi lain kyknya lucu ya. Hehehe.. Ataw jadi.. guru dansa? Jadi barrista aja ah. Penasaran..

Oh iya, kemaren gw perdana les dansa. Karna pemula, diajarinnya tari cha cha dulu. Alhamdulillah progress gw cepet. Kata kakandi sih, itu karna gw pernah les alat musik jadi lebih pinter soal ritme..ceunah. Gurunya sih sabar bgt ngadepin ibu2.. (hehe, maap ya Bu..anak jadi ngajarin ibu =p) tus yg kalo udah nari yg gaya dia sendiri, wow. Ricky Martin aja kalah. Hahahaha.. Kadang2 suka watir sendiri sih, abis kyk harot gt. =p Duh, jadi pengen nari tradisional jg euy. Huhu..

Gw jadi nyampah gini ya.. Ah biar lah.

E iya, gw lupa ngasi tau. Akhirnya Integrated Business Experience gw dapet A. Semuanya dapet A. I don't know whether to feel blessed or disappointed. Yang pasti nilai pe-er evaluation gw yg pertama dan kedua sama2 79. B, nyaris A. Berkat nilai2 yg lain gw berhasil dapet A. Honestly, eventhough this statement must sounds so selfish and ungrateful, I don't feel like I want this A and I feel so betrayed.

Wow, nyokap gw disuruh karaoke ternyata. Haha.. Nonton ah.

ultimate joy killer

2006-05-29T20:21:00.000+07:00

It's funny how noise could really erase your thoughts.. Sial. Gw jadi lupa mw nulis apa di blog ini, padahal tadinya udah kepikiran banyak. Ya sud lah, menyampah saja di sini spt biasa. Skrg hari Senin jam stengah 9 malem dan tnyata masih ada Extravaganza. Emang dari jam 8 ya? Ataw jam stengah 8? Haha, gw emg g doyan nonton tivi sih kecuali klo ada acara yg pgn gw tonton.

Mm, tadi pagi gw ngapain ya? Oh, ya ya.. Datang ke Apres bawain hasil proyek blajar masak bwt Didit. Dan ternyata.. emang Smooth Gazpacho gw ga cocok bwt lidah cowo gw. =p Oke de Bos, proyeknya lain kali yang selidah deh. Eniwei, tadi gw sempet jadi asisten tour SBM dadakan waktu ada anak SMA ama ibu dan tantenya lg nanya2 ke dosen gw. Haha.. Padahal rencananya gw mw liat jadwal daftar ulang ama jadwal kul SP ini trus caw ke Swarga.

Swarga?? Yaps, bukan nyalon. Gw mw ikutan klas dansa sebab berat gw naek 3 kilo. Hebat bukan?? Tapi sblm gw pergi gw diomelin dulu ama kakak gw gara2 blm pergi. Ya maap Mba, harus bantuin tur dulu.. Dan akhirnya saya cabut ke Kedai Nyonya Rumah menjemput Ibunda dan Tetehanda tapi sudah kenyang oleh Smooth Gazpacho (ngabisin karya sendiri gara2 yg lain ga berminat. hiks..) Abis nganter nyokap rapat, tus ke Swarga deh dan pulang.

Trus Didit stres gara2 nilai ujian. Akibat khawatir, jadinya gw telpon deh. Pas gw suruh istirahat aja spy ngelupain nilai ujian, dikiranya gw mw udahan. Haduh haduh.. bukan bgitu Mas. Tapi akhirnya gitaris gondrong itu merasa sedikit baikan untungnya. Alhamdulillah. Dan pas lg telpon mnelpon, ibunya menelpon. Wah wah.. telepati ibu-anak yang handal ya.. Eniwei, Didit minta maaf gitu klo ntar dia bkal jd org yg tdk menyenangkan akibat ujian. Waw, impeknya lsg ada hari ini juga. Beliau tak kunjung ngesms jg. Ya sud lah Pak, tampaknya siklus minggu lalu hrs terulang.. Gw hrs rela dicuekin dan ngadepin pasangan yg moodnya lg amat sgt buruk. Argh, ujian2 terkutuk!

Lalu tadi Maghrib, bokap keukeuh nganter sodara gw pulang dan kaka gw pengen sodara gw nginep aja. Dan sodara2, terjadilah rerun episode "How A First Child Should Behave". Pas gw ganti baju sblm nganterin spupu gw, gw bertanya2 dlm hati, 'Didit diginiin juga ga ya?'. Tampaknya orang2 terlalu banyak menaruh beban dan harapan sama anak pertama ya. Ya sud lah, gw mikirnya sodara gw bisa nginep kapan pun but for now he'd better be home. Lalu2 kt kaka gw don't let my father bikin ceramah "5 Kewajiban Anak Pertama" di mobil. Well, that's easier said than done sis.. Males lagian..

Ya jadi di jalan kejadian juga tuh. Tapi bentuknya malah dongeng sblm tidur, bukan ceramah. Eh trus di jalan jd dpt puisi gt terilhami kejadian ini. Lalu stlah nganter sodara gw, gw ke kosan Didit (kosan Didit skompleks ama rmh sodara gw. how convenient ya..) bwt ngasih sate Padang yg berlebih dr nyokap. Wah tnyata dia masih hidup, sodara2. Alhamdulillah.. Trus pulang2 nganter bokap dulu cari sendal dan mood org2 tampaknya sudah rumeuk. Ah sial.. Dan gw masih hrs ngehabisin sate Padang yg tersisa di rumah padahal saya udah ga pgn makan apa2 lg. This day is such an ultimate joy killer lah, padahal saya sudah senang hasil proyek memasak saya berhasil, sudah sempat berkeringat (brarti kalori saya terbakar kan?), ponakan dateng ke rumah dan game RPG Mario&Luigi saya sebentar lg tamat.

Dang.. Gw pgn membabi buta. Rasanya menyebalkan hrs jd org plg sane dan dikelilingi org2 yg moodnya terkuras ketika kita lagi PMS.

the aftermath

2006-05-20T07:35:00.000+07:00

Akhirnya..
Selesai jua mata kuliah IBE gw. Gila, gw stres tp gw malah makin gendut bukannya makin kurus. Dan gw yakin nilai pe-er evaluation kedua gw pasti ga jauh2 dari nilai pe-er evaluation gw yg pertama, yaitu B. Padahal gw Corporate Secretary, sodara2. Harusnya top management dpt nilai A, bukan?

Nope. Itu semua hanya teori org2 saja, menurut saya. The painful truth is that people are evaluating you based on your tangible outputs of work. Padahal top management kan udah jarang ngeluarin hasil kerjaan yg kongkrit. Dan kata teori dosen2 sih, kerjaan top management harusnya banyak mikir. Tapi, entah kenapa kliatannya ama gw kyknya org2 malah beranggapan bahwa semakin tinggi jabatan seseorang, kerjaan dia semakin banyak as in quantity.

Eniwei, untung lah ini semwa sudah berakhir dan untung lah pe-er evaluation bkn penentu tunggal nilai gw (walau gw pesimis dpt A utk mata kuliah ini). Akhirnya status gw balik jd unemployed lg. Andaikata kerjaan gw ini bisa dianalogiin sebagai suatu hubungan, lebih baik gw single saja. Hahaha.. Yap, betul. Gw merasa tidak dimengerti padahal gw udah ngertiin mreka ini. Tapi entahlah, nilai2 dan standar pengertian mreka mungkin beda dgn gw.

untungnya saya punya cowo yg mengerti saya. hahahahahaha..sombong..

Dan karna gw udah unemployed, akhirnya gw bisa menangis dengan lega. Itu tangisan yg udah gw pendam dr duluuuuu dan ga mungkin gw tangisin kemaren2.

it ain't over till it's over

2006-05-15T13:31:00.000+07:00

LAST WEEK OF IBE!!!!!!!!!!!!

akhirnya... but that doesn't mean it's gonna end in a snap. nope. skarang aja gw ama tmn2 gw msh hrs nyusun, ngedit, ngerapihin, masukin yg blm tertera, dll dst buat laporan tahunan. and guess what? laporan taunan itu harus dikumpulin hr ini. yap, hr ini. tepatnya senen, 15 mei 2006. blom lg lusanya kita harus pe-er evaluation dan kamis-jumat tiap2 perusahaan hrs presentasi. apakah stlah hr jumat IBE akan benar2 berakhir?

ntah.. tp jangan keburu seneng dulu deh. menurut pengalaman gw di performance skills, bisa2 gw baru lepas dr IBE stlah gw tingkat 3. bleh.. duh, pgn cepet2 slesei nih!! biar gw bisa konsen uas!! tp laporan msh bnyk yg mesti direvisi!!! sial sial sial sial sial sial..

eniwey..
kmaren gw ngerjain itu laporan laknat hina dina brenges di rumah kontrakan tmn gw. dr jam stengah 1 siang ampe jam 9 mlm gw ada di situ, gw mlototin layar komputer mulu ampe stres dan tantrum sendiri bgitu pas salah satu tmn gw mau nambahin sesuatu dan hrs gw yg ngedit! eh, tp untungnya tmn2 gw yg lain pd baek gituh.. pd gantiin gw ngedit, ngerapihin yg blm rapih dan ngusep2 kpala gw pas gw manyun. haha..

trus pas yg punya rmh bikin ceres rebus, (hah? ceres rebus? iya, ceres direbus!!) gw kan nanya2 tuh gimana cara bikinnya. abis dia jelasin, dia nawarin gw. awalnya gw sih ya hayu sok bikinin gih gitu..tp kan ga enak. masa gw nyuruh2 tmn gw bikinin padahal gw sendiri bisa bikin? (soalnya klo gw jadi dia sih gw ga bakal mw..) eh, taunya dia emang bener nawarin mw bikinin gw. HOREEEE!!!!! ardhi, sungguh baik hatimu nak. smoga nilai IBE loe A! dan tnyata ceres rebusnya ampuh bgt nenangin stres gw. hehe.. nah yg lucu ya, pas tmn gw ada yg minta dbikinin jg, dia bilang gini "ogah! klo ayu yg minta sih kagak napa.."

hahahahahahahahahaha.. snangnya jadi wanitaaaaa.....

and luckily, smwa tmn2 gw di situ bener2 menghibur dan peduli bgt. ada yg maen sulap bwt gw supaya gw ga butek ngerjain laporan. ada yg nawarin nganterin pulang. ngerjain laporan laknat hina dina brenges bin jahanam itu malah jd bikin gw betah (menurut testimoni ibunda tercinta). pulangnya gw dijemput nyokap dan pas gw buka pintu mobil, terdapat kopi excelso take away sdg nangkring dgn manisnya di jok mobil. horeee!!

eniwey, tgs yg tadinya bikin gw ga berhenti ngeluh dan stres ini jadinya ga krasa seperti itu ama gw. cape sih emang.. badan gw ampe pegel2 pas tidur. udah nyampe rumah pun gw msh hrs beresin ini itu lihat dulu kalo belagu.. tapi dari cape itu smwa, gw jadi tambah deket ama tmn2 di perusahaan gw. hore..

gonna tell me where the light is

2006-05-01T20:10:00.000+07:00

Akhirnya sodara2, gw pny juga cd We Are Scientists. Bwehehehehehe.. Mengharapkan Yeah Yeah Yeahs yg terbaru juga sih, tapi tak apa lah. Yang penting Didit berhenti nyela gw yg nyesel beli Clap Your Hands Say Yeah. Bwehehehehehehe..

All thanks to big sis (u're the best lah!) yg bersedia membelikan oleh2 dr negara Singa..

..gold lion's gonna tell me where the light is..

.. tell myself that everything is great, everything is great..

Nah, dan berhubung Palapa udah balikin uang pinjaman dan mengembalikan jaminan tiap orang, yuk mari kita beli
mm.. trus gw kapan beli tas ya?

behind closed doors

2006-04-27T10:05:00.000+07:00

Behind closed doors they talk about us
Us, and other people who somewhat failed them
and other things they shall never tell us
Us, and sadly you never knew

So they talk beyond your hearing
Far away from your bearing
Stopping and whispering

Behind closed doors they talk about us
Us, and I knew all along they would
before long talk about him her us
Us, and I shall hear no more

pabalatak, pabalatak!

2006-04-25T12:30:00.000+07:00

Oke.. mari kita ingat2 seminggu ini gw harus ngapain:

Slasa
- tugas biz law
- kuis biz law
- rapat evaluasi gme, jd notulen
- bikin laporan perusahaan dan pertanggungjawaban bendahara, perhaps?
- abisin buku pinjeman

Rabu
- ibu ultah, don't forget to say happy birthday
- balikin buku ke comic's corner
- bikin laporan ama ceo klo blm selsey
- kumpulin lpj bendahara ke dimas
- bikin rangkuman operation management bwt kamis
- jgn plg terlalu malam

Kamis
- rangkuman operation management hrs selsey
- rapat perusahaan
- laporan perusahaan hrs udah selsey
- kumpulin dan cek laporan2 individual..urgh..
- mm.. bantu2 teteh siap2 pergi ke singapur mungkin?

Jumat
- MUSTANG APRES!!! sayangnya ga ngisi acara..huh..
- tongkrongin perusahaan
- smwa laporan hrs udah terkumpul, tertandatangan, terfotokopi, terdropbox
- si teteh berangkat ke singapur
- makan siang ama ibu

Sabtu
- hmm.. special time for a special person. cieee.. hoek
- les

Minggu
- EVALUASI PENGURUS APRES!!!! tobaaatt

apalagi y? udah kyknya mah.. wah edun, stlah dipikir2 lagi, gw iseng amat y nulis jadwal gw di blog. kyk ga punya agenda sendiri yg bisa ditambah ditulis macem2 dan dibawa ke mana2.. hohoho, da emang ga punya.

sotonya lbh murah dr donat!

2006-04-20T14:54:00.000+07:00

Tadi siang gw pergi makan ama temen2 gw. Tus ktmu ama sekotak J.Co. Dasar cewe, akhirnya pada mw beli gitu dari temen2 kita yg emg jualan J.Co. Satu donat yang berlapis gula doang tuh dijual Rp. 5000,- dan yang assortednya Rp. 6000,-. Berhubung gw lg diet, gw patungan ama tmn gw buat beli donat yg bisa bikin kantong di badan gw bertambah itu seharga Rp. 2500,- saewang. Makannya pun sedonat berdua. Romantis bukan? =p

Nah sambil makan donat, kita smwa jalan ke warung soto dan kemudian membeli soto dan nasi cmn stengah. Uh, kenyang.. Dan kmudian pas balik lg, ntah knapa tiba2 pembicaraan kembali lg ke arah donat dan temen gw nyeletuk bgini:

"Edan, sotonya lebih murah dari donat ya.."

Gw pun langsung merasa bodoh..

Bener jg ya. Dgn harga Rp. 3500,- (untuk nasi stengah+soto ayam) gw udah bisa makan siang yang mengenyangkan. Tapi buat beli donat J.Co yg berlapis gula doang, yg nambah lipatan pada tubuh, dan hanya bertahan satu gigitan, gw ama tmn2 gw hrs ngeluarin tambahan Rp. 1500,- dari dompet kita.

Lucu, betapa makanan ga dinilai sesuai seberapa mengenyangkannya.Tapi yaaa.. emang kitanya jg pgn indulging sih. Hwehehehe..

..mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm..

2006-04-09T22:47:00.000+07:00

ah dasar cowo charming.. susah emang.. bahkan ampe ama mantan affair dan mantan kecengan aja masih digodain. cape.. apalg pas tadi pagi,
fahri: cie ayu..
gw: apaan ri?
fahri: foto duaan ama didit
gw: ya iya atuh. masa gw foto duaan ama fikri?
fahri: bwahahahahaha.. parah bgt! klo gitu hrsnya empatan dong. ayu, didit, fikri ama putri?
gw: hah? kok putri? dydy kali..
fahri: haaa? oiya ya, dydy!
-echa tiba2 menimbrung-
echa: iya, cantik bgt tau anaknya. kan anak 28 juga..
-fahri tampak berusaha menetralkan suasana-
fahri: kalo ayu kalo ayu?
echa: kalo ayu kan manis orgnya.. hangat..
-ahahahahahahahah saya tau saya tau. intinya saya tidak secantik dydy-
gw: iya sih. lagian kan dydy jg dilarang ortunya pacaran kan
echa: iya, emang. makanya didit ditolak. coba klo dibolehin, udah jadian kali.
-fahri echa pun tertawa. saya juga sih.. tapi coba tebak-
gw (dalam hati): anj**g.. ta*..

ya ya ya ya ya ya..

dan kamu, ya, kamu!!! tega2nya nyuruh saya nunggu buat ditelpun kamu tapi harus nunggu klub kesukaan kamu maen dulu.

yayayayayayayayayaya.. saya kesal!

Yeah Yeah Yeahs' hidden track

2006-03-14T21:10:00.000+07:00

Baby I'm afraid of a lot of things but
I ain't scared of loving you
And baby I know you're afraid of a lot of things
But don't be scared of love... 'cause
People will say all kinds of things
But that don't mean a damn to me
'Cause all I see is what's in front of me
And that's you

Well I've been dragged all over the place
I've taken hits time just don't erase
And baby I can see you've been fucked with too
But that don't mean your loving days are through
'Cause people will say all kinds of things
But that don't mean a damn to me
'Cause all I see is what's in front of me
And that's you

Well I may be just a fool
But I know you're just as cool
And cool kids, they belong together

Satu dan Lain Hal

2006-03-08T22:09:00.000+07:00

Akhir2 ini banyak bgt orang yg sakit.. selain flu burung. Di SBM sendiri udah tak terhitung jumlah org yg sakit. Yg gw maksut sakit di sini tuh brarti yg akan sakit, yg sdg sakit, dan yg sdg menuju sembuh tp msh sakit. Yah, intinya yg badannya sdg tidak fit lah. Dan anehnya, sakitnya ga cmn sekali tapi kyk bersiklus gitu. Temen2 gw yg baru sembuh dr flu, bukannya jadi kebal ama flu (due to antibodi and stuffs), malah sakit flu lagi. Aneh kan?

Orang banyak yg bilang karna cuaca yg lagi aneh.. atau mungkin karna kecapean (pasca Java Jazz sindrom klo dlm kasus tmn2 SBM gw sih).. atau mungkin karna AC SBM yg slalu dipasang naudzubillah dingin setiap hari seolah2 para mahasiswanya baru pulang lintas Gurun Gobi dan Gurun Sahara disatuin (dlm kasus gw dan beberapa tmn dkt gw). Nah jadi tidak aneh kan klo anak2 SBM lbh cepet sakit? Udah cuacanya lg aneh, udara di SBM juga sama anehnya ama cuaca di luar.

Maka dengan sukses saya masuk angin boker susah kentut tak henti mulas datang dan pergi. Bukan hanya menderita, tapi gw juga jadi sering merasa bersalah setiap angin kecil keluar dari major maximus musculus gw. Untungnya sampai saat ini belum ada yang protes terbuka sama gw. Hwehehehehehe..

(omigod, gw jorok skali..)

Tapi untungnya masuk angin dan sajabena ga menular kan? Justru flu yg menular. Oleh karna itu gw jadi merhatiin pasokan vitamin dan nutrisi (halah..) gw akhir2 ini. Tapi blom apa2 gw udah sakit kepala gini padahal gw pgn bangun ampe jam 12 malem karna satu dan lain hal.

Satu = Didit ultah
dan
Lain hal = satu bulanan jadian

Hore udah satu bulan! Hahahaha.. Ya buat gw yg baru kali ini jadian sih satu bulan bisa dikatakan suatu pencapaian kan? =p Ya smoga aja bwt gw yg baru kali ini jadian, jadian ini bisa jadi yg pertama dan terakhir. Amin..

Sebetulnya satu bulan itu bisa dikatakan lumayan pendek, karna belom masuk itungan taun. Tapi ntah knapa temen2 gw kalo nanya pasti kira2 pertanyaan seperti:

"Masih ama Didit, Yu?" (emang ama siapa lg?)
"Trus sekarang masih jalan?" (baru juga sebulan kurang yaks..)
"Kenapa Yu? Putus?" (pas gw lg bingung, padahal gw bingungnya gara2 tagihan henpun bengak! tapi malah ditanyanya kyk gini. ah bangsad!)
"Hah? Baru sebulan?" (eh? emang kliatannya udah setaun ya?)

Baru juga jadian, udah ditanya aneh2 kyk gitu. Uluh uluh.. Tapi sejujurnya gw sendiri juga ngerasa sebulan ini kyknya kerasa lambat bgt. And I'm not talking about the relationship here. Maksut gw, lebih ke itungan hari yg kerasa lambat bgt. Pas minggu ke3, gw kaget sendiri padahal kerasanya kyk udah sebulan lebih.

Aneh bukan?

Yah, gw pikir2 lagi, mungkin karna itungan waktu di hubungan ini berbeda ama itungan waktu dalam skala metrik (eh btul kan metrik?). Kira2 sama seperti berbedanya itungan waktu usia seseorang yg ditilik dari aspek pribadi atau kedewasaan secara rohani dengan usia orang tersebut yg diukur setiap 365 hari kurang lebih.

Entah lah.. Kenapa juga gw harus musingin hal kyk gini?

Karena eh karena saya bingung mencari cara habiskan waktu menuju pukul 00.00 esok hari karena satu dan lain hal.