the mortality rate of infatuation is higher than that of adoration

It's pretty clear that I am not as mature as I thought.

I was very agitated when my father insisted to drive me to the opening of my friend's art exhibition. I really wanted to go on my own, because I selfishly did not want to be picked up if I would've rather stay instead. So.. I am not proud to say this, but I did slam the garage lock out of my frustration - which luckily none of parents notice - and finally let my father drive me.

In the car, on the road, my father told me to be perfectly clear to inform him about my plan. I told him back that I didn't tell him because I was planning to go by myself. Misunderstandings then resolved and he said that it's just the way he is; everything must be well-planned. I also said sorry for not telling him anything about my plan. Then he said the most touching thing that made me wanted to cry (or maybe because it's getting near my period); he doesn't have the heart to let me drive at night.

I was instantly ashamed of being such an angry adolescent before! I could argue that I'm a big girl and he doesn't have to worry about a thing, but I know that he won't accept this argument. He is my father and I'm his daughter after all. It's the most natural reason for him wanting to drive me.

How I wish I could get myself a man whose heart is as gentle as my father.. I could picture my husband insisting to drive me, he'd say, "I don't have the heart to let you drive at night! You're my wife, after all."

Yeah.. anyway, it's just a wish. And talking about having a husband, my view about marriage has shifted. I once thought that it is better to have a marriage by love and I wanted that for me too. I envisioned me and my boyfriend to be head over heels over each other when we would decide to get married. Now I think that a set-up marriage is not so bad.. and if I'm not so deeply in love with my future husband, at least he cares a lot about me and I can bear his flaws and weaknesses. I even once doubted myself whether I need a marriage in my life or not. Sounds like Oprah, right? =p

Nevertheless, I have always wanted to have grandchildren (yes, grandchildren and not children). So not getting married is out of the options, but getting married is not one of the top 10 priorities in my life anymore.