what difference did it made?

Closure.

That's what I get.

I cannot deny that it's the sight of another heartbreak. Almost the same heartbreak with my mother's passing. I knew the conclusion was drawing and it wouldn't be a good news to me. I am going to endure it and am trying to remember how I'd survive and move on.

I wanted to ask the experts on moving on. But they aren't available at the moment and I don't want to bother them this late. So I looked for another source: my own blogs and journals. Ah, what better way to show yourself that you're gonna be alright in the end than learning from your own chronicles?

I found it, at my other old blog, entirely dedicated to another person in another time when I was (or I think I was) more foolish than I am right now.

I feel a lot better after reading it, for unknown reasons even to myself. Maybe I felt like the younger me is smacking me in the face with it - saying "Hey older me, even I can move on. Why the hell do you think you can't?"

-ah saya meracau.. lalalalala-