little wins

I was working from home that day because there was a lot of stuffs to do (work and academic related). Actually at the beginning of the day, I felt anxious because the work deadline was the day after and my progress was nowhere near 50%. So after breakfast, I started to work. And also sent an e-mail to my final project advisor about my recommendation letter. I thought I had to wait for another day to get them but - "eng ing eng!" - he told me they were finished!

Later that day I went to my undergrad department. I went straight to my advisor's office and had my recommendation letters printed in his office. Hahaha.. And I thought I had to run around and print them anywhere except his office. Then I went to the administration office, where a dear staff of SBM-ITB helped me legalize photocopies of my diploma and get some of the documents signed, enveloped and sealed. He also helped me fold the letters. :p Me and the administration staffs chatted a bit and I told them about my plan of taking Grad school in South Korea. It was like the old time and I felt really welcomed. They also wished me the best of luck with my application.

I also met a good friend of Mom. And of course we talked, a lot, because we haven't seen each other in a ... year, I guess? Anyway, we also talked about my plan and he told me stories about UK too (since I'm planning to go there, beside Korea). And when we both went our ways, he wished me the same thing the admin staffs did.

I don't know why, but those wishes gave me strong emotions. I know they won't include me in their daily prayers, wishing my admission in any one of the universities, and that's okay. It's just that hearing those words made me feel blessed - that I still have friends who are willing to help me achieve a big goal. (okay, that sounds a bit desperate) And not only that. I did not hear a single word about them wanting me to be a lecturer.

Sidebar: To understand the gravity of it, I first must explain this: I do not want to be a lecturer. Yet. But please don't push me or try to get it into my head that I should try a lecturer-path scholarship or a lecturer-trainee program. Just. Don't. Or I'll turn into the Queen of Anarchy. Seriously.

Sidebar's sidebar (??): Not that I have hard feeling for lecturers. Both my parents are, and I love them to very core of my existence (with no doubt). It's just that I feel very uncomfortable to be told to do something that I'm convinced I can't excel at. I could go on explaining. But for fear of hurting lecturer's and soon-to-be lecturer's feelings, let's just cut it short. Only let me make it clear for you. It's not about lecturer as in job or lecturer as in person , it's about me. So whatever I say here doesn't have anything to do with you lecturers, it has everything to do with me. Alrite?

Okay, so. Although I had an impending deadline and my account balance is making me dreadful, these little wins made my day. You see, by telling this to you, you know that I have nothing new to offer. But at least I'm (and hopefully you too) reminded in that wonderful day, that we should look for little wins during the hard situations. As shallow or short-minded it may seem, it helps our sanity survives nevertheless. And also take note, that sometimes a simple helpful action or heartfelt wish can make someone's day brighter. I just hope everyone working for Wasior's, Mentawai's and Merapi's cause thinks the same way too.

-dedicated to the victims of WMM: we know there's nothing in this world can replace your loss, especially those who lost loved ones. hang tough and know that our thoughts are with you-